The Fight for Mankind

Ride for Ruin

AURORA

The cool breeze that promised the turning of the season tickled my face as I stared numbly at the Titans that had appeared in the crater below, the only tell-tale sign remaining of the battle against Reiner and Bertolt and as the breeze picked up and pulled my hair along with it, I fought the soul-crushing pain that threatened to swallow me whole.

Nanaba, Gelgar, Miche, Eld, Petra, Oluo, Gunther, Uncle Alert, Carla, Grisha, Grandfather, Mother, Father, on and on the list grew with the number of people I lost and the worst part? I had not a single body to bury, no closure, no place to mourn. I had nothing but the painful memories to remind me that they once existed at all.

Of course, I should be used to it by now, I should know not to get attached, I shouldn't care so much when they inevitably die on me, but I couldn't help it, and I was now paying the price for my weakness. I felt like I was bleeding to death from the pain of their loss, a death by a thousand cuts. If only loving someone could save them then maybe I could bear this pain, but life is doesnt work that way, something I learnt the hard way many years ago.

So why do I feel like I can't breathe?

I thought I could withstand any pain as long as it had meaning, that I was strong enough to carry on, that it would be my teacher just like Grandfather had said but there was no meaning in this, in any of it, and the only thing I learnt was hate, a hate so powerful I felt it changing me and the scary thing? I was okay with that, more than okay actually, I liked the darkness it brought out in me, I could hide in its depths in a way that I couldn't in the light, it felt like home. 

I could hide my weakness...

Maybe that's what the dreams where about all along, it wasn't destiny calling me but rather my own subconscious speaking because somewhere deep down I knew I wasn't strong enough, that I was ashamed of how weak I was, but it mattered little in the grand scheme of things. My thoughts and feelings were irrelevant, they meant nothing. I had one job, a duty rather, to protect my family and if my weak, pitiful existence was all I had to offer to that duty then I would oblige because I was just one woman, what could I possibly offer to the world in general. That's why we had to get Eren back, not just because he was my family, but because he was the destined one, the one to change the world.

I won't rest till I have him home, I won't rest till I see him out of their clutches, I swear by whatever god lies above I won't rest till he is safe-

A gentle hand came to rest on my shoulder, jerking me from my thoughts and turning to peer behind me, I met Rian's bright blue eyes as the gazed into my own with deep concern. How was it he was able to carry on? How was he able to stand now as he was, sister or not, when he surely was feeling the same pain as I?

It's because he is stronger, he always has been, that's why Grandfather pushed me harder than Rian, he knew it too.

"A penny for your thoughts?" Rian smiled sadly as he came to stand by my side and too stared down at the Titans below while I mulled over whether I should tell him the truth or not before deciding that total candour may not be the kindest path to take, that and I didn't want to admit how pathetic I truly was.

"We have to get Eren back" I answered as I looked out over the skyline, not entirely lying about what had been on my mind, "We have to bring him home."

I say that like we have a home to go back to...

"Aurora, look at me" Rian coaxed gently and doing as he asked, I turned back to see him set with determination, "We will bring Eren back. I swear it on my life."

"Don't," I said hastily making Rian frown, "Don't swear on your life, anything but that..."

Pulling me in his arms, Rian crushed me against his chest and wrapping my arms around him I held on as if he was life itself, taking comfort in the arms of my twin knowing that soon we would be heading out after Reiner and Bertolt to face the biggest fight we ever had with no guarantee that we would succeed beyond our own determination and refusal to give in.