Hush

I want to die,

I want to die for every moment ,

That I am alive.

I look back.

I see a girl.

A stupid and naive girl.

She thought the world was good.

She thought friends were forever.

She thought that everyone will always stay.

She doesn't see the illness.

The inevitable illness that will claim her dad.

She doesn't see the day.

The day that her friends hates her.

She doesn't see the day.

The day that everyone will leave her.

All those who loves her.

Will eventually leave her.

She is shaking her head at others.

At those who surrendered.

She says life would never be that bad.

To the point where they have to give up their lives.

I scoff at her naivety and her ignorance.

But knowing that deep down.

I wish I could be like her again.

But again see what ignorance has brought to her.

Ignorance isn't always bliss.

Ignorance brought her to where I am now.

Too hurt to accept love.

Too broken to accept help.

Too shattered to be mended.

A girl unable to love.

A girl unable to cry.

A girl too wounded, to reach out at those outstretched hands.

A girl untouchable and unreachable.

Wary of everyone, suspicious of everything

Ultimately left alone to rot.

The wounds fester.

The pain increases.

Nothing ever helps.

Smiles are like sleep.

Laughs are like morphine.

They never last.

So here I am.

Hoping for eternal sleep.

I want to die.

I want to die every single moment,

That I am alive.