Dear Maddy,
Where do I begin? From the beginning you say? I guess that’s a good place to start. When I met you, I had no idea what I was getting into. None. Really I was not looking for friends when I met you. I wanted friends, but I didn’t want to seem pushy and all, but you took me in. I wasn’t your pet, like some of the other girls treat me as. I was truly someone you seemed like you cared about.
The more I got to know you, the closer we seemed to get. I could tell you anything, and when I was with you, it seamed like I would never be alone, especially when I started to be bullied. You were my rock. The only person I felt as if I could tell everything to and not be judged or asked if it was my fault, or if I had done anything wrong to put myself in that position. I was alone and I relied on you so much.
I don’t want to talk about this part, because, honestly, these last few years I have been trying to forget. It devastated me when we drifted apart. I tried and tried to hold on, but it seemed like I was talking into a already hung-up phone. I hated my-self, always wondering where I had screwed up, what I had done wrong. I would scowl at you and turn away when you looked my direction because if I looked into your eyes I would start to cry. I fell into a deep depression, because I was virtually alone. The person I relied on was gone. Before I go on, I have to tell you I never once hated you. I hated how you treated me and how we ended, but I never hated you. I could never bring my self to do that. I sat watching you from a far, watching you smile, watching you laugh, and I would slowly die inside because of how I wished I was with you and not alone. I wished that someone would care if I lived or died. If someone would truly mean it when they said that they didn’t want me to kill myself.
Summer was an escape for me. I didn’t have to see you in dance class, no classes where I could catch a glimpse of you, and no lunch where I could see you and Kelsey and co. talking about your lives. Soon though, the school year rolled around and we had show choir and chorale together. By then I had gotten really good at trying to ignore you. That was until Allison decided that to invite me to the photo shoot and I finally had to acknowledge your presence. First, I felt bad for coming with because I was, in a way, trespassing on something you and Allison were doing. It was scary for me to be around you, until you put the monkey towel on my head and showed me to my crush and watched you all giggle. That day, I remembered every reason I had for fighting so hard before to try to keep our friendship.
I soon forgot about you as I slowly but surly fell for him, and it wasn’t until you dragged me to that bathroom with you that I talked to you again. For some reason, I felt as if I could tell you what happened between us and how he broke my heart and then proceeded to step on the remains of my heart even more, until they were to small to be scene. I felt I could trust you, and the moment that you told me that you were having problems with he-who-shall-not-be-named. If you were going to try to repair us, I could finally have all of my dreams come true. (Ok, only the one where we are both super amazing dancers.)
I am sooooo blessed to have you back in my life, even though I am still really afraid to talk to you. We are going to have fights again, but only the best of friends can go through that and end up stronger than before. Before we know it, we will be at Taylor University with guy’s opening every door for us. You are a sister to me and even if 5 years later we are not friends anymore, I wont forget the memories we have made and the impact you have had on my life. (In a good way) You are beautiful and never forget that.
I love you my ginger.
<3 Kyra
