Who Could Even Explain It

the party

(Beenies pov)

Who would have thought, that here of all places, here in New York , at some big ass house party, I would be lonley. I didnt come here alone though. I came with some friends, or should I say "friends", because I dont know any people who could leave someone at a party where they dont know anyone who I would call a friend. Especialy someone like me. I'm shy and awkward and my social anxiety is through the roof on a regular day not even counting the fact that now I am in the middle of this all. I slump deeper into the corner I'm sitting. I cant beleve they just left me like that. I mean I guess I'm boring , and lame or whatever. Latley over been feeling the same way, completly physically and mentally exhausted. I dump my face in my hands as I feel my body shake as I begin to cry. I begin rooting though my bag for my anxiety pills but when I find an empty bottle i breakdown. I dig through my bag liking for anything when I finger catches on my open switchblade. I pull my hand back looking at the fresh blood dripping from my finger. I've only ever used my switchblade once and it was because some homeless dude tried to touch my tits, so I pulled it out examining the blade. Its holographic blade mesmerized me,taunted me, and intrigued me all at the same time. My hands are still shaking as I pull back my sleeve gliding the blade across my arm. I see the blood drip and with evry drop I just kept thinking about how no one wants me because I'm broken. I suddenly get a text from my dad, he tells me he's outside and for me to come out. I did as he said and went outside and got into the car, just to be met by him screaming at me because I want home by 9, guess I lost track of time. We drive home as he begins his usual routine, drink, scream at me, beat me then sexually harras me. Once he's done I run off to my room, and cry myself to sleep.