Okay, so today I wanted to write in English. I don't know why. But, if you find some mistakes, tell me, please.
Okay… So… Sometimes, I feel lost.
I feel something, I don't know what it is, I don't know where is it come from. Actually, I know nothing about this feeling… I only know that I feel a emptiness in the deeper of myself. I don't know what to do, if I can escape my mind in a story (most of time the answer is no), which type of music I could listen, to who can I talk. Actually, I don't like to talk about it because, myself, I don't understand it, so, how can another one understand that? I'm here, alone, in my bedroom, trying to change my mind, to find an occupation, or anything else. Sometimes I try to understand this feeling, to find his origin. But I don't arrived at that… I know I'm a teenage girl, so that "normal", everybody have moments like that, we learn about ourselves, and we need this work on us. But sometimes that hard and indescribable. Before, I had this feeling sometimes, now I have it frequently… And I don't know why, what is the main problem? Maybe it's me, or friends, or love, or new meetings, or maybe the quarantine? I don't know but that's strange and sometimes scares me a little.
E.G. (be careful : spoil) Last time, I finished Elite. Yes, this TV show is cliché, not very interesting for some people. But, I was very attached to characters, to story maybe, I don't know. But, during all the last season, when Ander had cancer, I felt very bad, and when Polo died, I felt bad too. But I didn't like more Polo than Marina, but this time I felt something, and I cry another time. I really don't understand my reaction. Then, I finished the season, it was 3 am, and, I went at the window and I saw the world. A calm street, with no-one outside, with no other noise than the one of Nature… That was restful. And cold air came pet my skin. It was confortable. And then, I cried again. Maybe because I miss the outside world, or because I miss my entourage, or I don't know. Elite remained in my head. Since this night, I feel frequently strange, empty. I cannot watch a new TV show. I restarted to read books (for school) and watch film (very clichés films). I had lived this before, but I changed my mind the day, with my friends, but with the quarantine, as if I am with my family, I feel lonely and can't be better by staying at home all days.
This feeling is uneasy. But, add to it, I miss a lot people. So I tried to meet new friends by app, but that doesn't work, one more time I feel uneasy, and when I arrived to talk with someone, either I don't understand them or they disappear. Finally, this technic doesn't worked for me, I feel always also lonely and empty. I know I am not the only one who feel that, the majority of people, of teenagers lives something similar. I think we need it to forge ourselves, it's important!
I'm sorry if it bored you, if I mad a lot of languageses mistakes or for anything else, but I'm bad sometimes and I wanted to write it for remove a weight, and to share it to you, maybe we can help us, who knows? In any case, I'm here if you need to talk!
Love you,
Stay at home and be careful of you and your family,
Bye
-Z♡
15/04/2020
