My pathetic life

Oh wow Voices OwO

"Pls Aurora tell me."

"NO', ok, no, every time I try to open up everyone just says 'fuck you and your feelings I don't CARE' and I am tired of it. 'Oh Aurora you talk so much','Oh Aurora when will you finally shut up','Oh Aurora why won't you tell us your problems' hoW THE FUCK SHOULD I TELL YOU MY FUCKING PROBLEMS IF YOU NEVER EVEN LEARNED HOW TO FUCKING LISTEN TO SOMEONE?! FUCK! So fUCK you and your feelings, I don't care if you want me to tell you everything I don't fucking care ok I just don't"

...

Silence consumed the atmosphere as we both sat still on my bed. My arms uncrossed themselves and I started to write on my Laptop while Tadashi just sits still in front of me and silently watched every single move of mine. After some time I get fed up and roughly shut the front of my Laptop down to close it and looked up to him with a fierce and very pissed look.

"What"

He just kept his silent attitude and continued staring at me with an unreadable look in his eyes.

I calmed down and sighed heavily and looked down, playing slightly with my fingernails.

"Look...I'm sorry that I snapped at you, but I don't like voicing my emotions I hate rejection and I hate being pitied can we just ignore all that...?"

Still no answer. I looked up to see a very conflicted Tadashi not knowing what to do.

"Please don't be worried ok?" I said with hopeful eyes, "I- it's just- ...I hate talking, I hate my own voice, I almost regret every freakin word that I have ever said and I admire every quiet person especially mute ones. God how much I prayed to be like them, to finally be quiet."

The air was so thick it was suffocating me.

"And I mean there is nothing to worry about my depression got better and I stopped with the suicide attempts so...yay."

"Why do you hate your voice?"

That was the only thing that came out of the currently quiet Hamada.

"Well...the most sentences that were told to me, especially when I was a child, were 'God you talk so much', 'Please shut up', 'You have such a squicky voice it hurts please shut your mouth' and many more comments like that...I grew up hating my own voice and hating the fact that for everything that I say, I just have to put detail into it because I want people to understand why I exactly think like that,

but I guess they just asked me to be kind and not because they are interested. I mean who would like to talk with a child about death, right?" I chuckle slightly at the end.

"I can never shut up, no matter how hard I'm trying at the end...I'm always talking and talking I mean-" I looked up "You're not even here it's just me talking to myself while my head imagined someone who would finally listen to me."

And with these words said Tadashi's face full of pity and sadness faded away and I looked at my white wall in front of me.

"God I'm so sad it's pathetic"

"It's not pathetic"

"Shut up James you aren't real either"

and James also disappeared into nothing leaving me alone with my thoughts in my room staring blankly at my white wall.

My white wall full of nothingness.