Starting Over (Sequel To Dear Diary)

Chapter 1: A Couple Conversations

Laurel's POV

One day, things pretty much click. You start to see the world for what it truly is, imperfections and all, but it doesn't matter. You start to appreciate the mistakes you make and you realize that nothing is actually a mistake. You notice the little things. Like the touch of a hand, or someone's blue eyes.

And it clicked in that hospital bed.

I remember Hunter's eyes filled with tears and he leaned over me. The grey light shining behind his silhouette. It looked almost etherial. Maybe that's the light people always talk about. The light it behind someone you love so you feel safe coming to it. But for me, it had the opposite effect. I realized that I could never leave him. That there was so much i needed to experience with him. I wanted to be there when he won his first grammy. And i wanted to name our child caroline. I wanted to be able to hold his hand and feel his arms wrapped around me. I knew i couldn't go anywhere.

I couldn't bare to see the pain on his face. He looked washed out and drained. He was always either sitting on the chair next to me with his head down praying, or frantically pacing back and forth. But either way, he never left my side. Ever.

We didn't do much talking. I think we both knew that words couldn't be spoken without tears falling.

I slept a lot. Drifting in and out of a dark and peaceful sleep. Returning back to the painful reality. At one point I opened my eyes and Hunter wasn't there. I thought I was gone. I couldn't figure out why he wasn't there. Then, he walked back into the room and walked right over to much. He clutched my hand and wouldn't let go. Turns out he was just talking to the doctor.

I don't remember the exact details of every conversation we had those 3 weeks, but right when I was at my worse, when they thought it very well could be the end, we had a conversation I just couldn't forget:

"Laurel," hunter kissed my hand. I was lying there helpless. I couldn't really breathe. Nurses were running around everywhere and beeps were ringing out of every single machine. His eyes were filled with tears. I wouldn't look at them even if I could.

"You know you can let go, right? I will always love you no matter what." He chocked back a sob and looked down at the ground.

"Here," he pulled his necklace over his head and put it over mine. The guitar pick and the cross dangled down my neck and across my chest.

I tried to say "no" but all that came out was a cough. So instead I just shook my head.

"Yes," he said. "I don't ever want this back. And don't even bother trying to talk me out of this. You're keeping it."

And I did. I attempted to give it back after I got out of the hospital, and for a few weeks after that, but he would never accept it.

I was playing with it in my fingers as I was standing in the kitchen. My elbows were leaning on the granite countertop and i was waiting for him to come home from the studio. I had something to tell him and it didn't know how he would take.

Things just didn't really feel right these days. I didn't want to break up with him. God no. I just didn't know where we stood with our relationship. We talked about marriage, but i didn't know if that was still something we were discussing, or if I should forget about it. He'd just been looking at me like a little lost puppy and I hated it. I was sick, but then I got better. I don't think he understood that.

I heard the door click open so i jerked my head back up. The best thing that's ever happened to me walked through the door in a black Tshirt and a black baseball cap. He set his backpack down by the door and looked up to meet my gaze. He looked confused. "What's going on?" He said. I could tell he was nervous and I didn't want him to be.

"We need to talk," i said. The color faded from his eyes and I realized how stupid I was. "No. No. No. No. It's not what you're thinking. I love you. I love you. I love you. We are not breaking up," i moved away from the counter and placed my hands on his arms. I felt him breathe and i breathed too.

"Okay..." He put his hands on my waist. "So what's this about?"

I pursed my lips for a moment and looked up a him. "Uh....." I couldn't find the words. "Hunter," the words started flowing a little more free. "Ever since I got out of the hospital, it's just like you think I'm weak or something. I can't take your pity anymore."

"Laurel," he sighed. "I'm not trying to make you feel small or anything. I can't believe you don't know that." He stepped away from me and leaned on the back of the brown leather couch.

"I'm sorry, but I just thought you should know." I took two steps forward and wrapped my arms around his neck. "I just don't want you to think i'm helpless."

"I know you're not helpless," he stated. "i just don't want anything to happen to you."

"Nothing is going to happen to me. Nothing. Not with you around." I smiled and kissed him quickly on his cheek.

"Now for the more important conversation," i walked over to the fridge and took out the chicken i was going to use to make dinner as well as some vegetables.

"Wait there's another conversation?" He got up and sat down at one of the barstools at the counter.

"There is," I took a pan down and turned the burner on.

"So what's this one about?" he leaned forward onto his elbows and took his hat off, revealing his dirty brown hair underneath.

"Marriage..." The chicken started to sear on the pan was the only noise you could hear in the kitchen.

After a couple of seconds he replied, "you already know what I think about marriage."

"Do you think it's still on the table?" I flipped a piece of chicken over.

"Of corse it is. Why wouldn't it be?"

"I don't know," I said. Hunter went over to the fridge and got a bottle of water.

"It's just that.... I don't know. Maybe you changed your mind or something else changed. I don't know."

"Hey," he threw his water on the counter and held both of my hands down by out sides. "I'm never going to change my mind. Nothing changed. Actually, that's a lie. I love you even more now."

"Okay," I whispered.

He kissed my forehead. "Come on. Let's cook the socks off these people."

"Who are these people?" I laughed

"The imaginary judges sitting somewhere over there," he pointed to the dining room table.

"Okay, Hunt." I chucked and shook my head.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

IT'S FINALLY HERE! THE FIRST CHAPTER! Please comment and vote! A nice fluffy chapter, right?

Hearts and Rockets,

Julia:)