warnings: angst, mentions of self-harm, mentions of sex.
I advise not reading this if you don't want to be sad
Summary: Mark wanted something more but Donghyuck couldn't give it to him.
⊱ ━━━━.⋅ εïз ⋅.━━━━ ⊰
Heavy breaths, heated atmosphere, tension...
Mark looked out the window as he watched the road of his small neighborhood. His back against the wall as the limp body next to him slept. His naked torso slightly cold due to the air conditioner blasting. He glanced at the clock on his bedside table reading '4:03' a.m. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair thinking, 'I need sleep'.
"Hyung," that sweet honey voice called, "cuddle me, please". Mark sighed but moved down the bed to cuddle into the younger's back. "You're so warm, hyung," Donghyuck smiled at the older's touch. Mark only hummed and placed a small kiss on his neck. "Go to sleep, Hyuckie. It's already 4 a.m." Mark told him.
Heavy breaths, heated atmosphere, tension...
"What the hell is this?!" Donghyuck yelled holding up the small razor. Mark stared at the younger in disbelief. "You went through my stuff?!" He yelled. Donghyuck only scoffed and held the object in front of Mark.
"You're hurting yourself? For what? What do you gain from this, Mark?" Donghyuck yelled back. Mark was trying his best not to tear up in front of the younger. The last thing he wanted was to seem weak in front of the other at the moment. "A sense of feeling? I don't know, Donghyuck! What do you want me to say, huh?!" Mark spat back.
"I want you to say you'll stop! This isn't OK, Mark" Donghyuck said. Mark looked down, tears falling down his face. "You think I don't know that? I'm just so tired of feeling empty. It hurts feeling empty, it's just easier having a physical excuse for my pain rather than a mental one," Mark mumbled. Teardrops were hitting the ground along with Donghyuck's heart.
Mark felt hands on his face and suddenly he was looking up into Donghyuck's eyes. The younger's thumbs wiping away his tears. "Promise me you'll stop and when it feels like you can't, you call me before doing anything. Please, hyung, I care about your wellbeing," Donghyuck whispered. Mark sniffled but nodded, "I promise".
Donghyuck gave him a small smile before leaning in. Mark's eyes glanced down to the tan boy's lips, his tongue glazing over his own to moisten them. "Kiss me, make me forget the pain, Hyuckie. I wanna ignore it," Mark whispered. That was enough to send Donghyuck to kiss him.
What started as sweet and passionate kisses turned to heated and lustful. Saliva mixing, tongues dancing, teeth clashing. Maybe that's when Mark started to feel something other than emptiness.
Heavy breaths, heated atmosphere, tension...
"More," Donghyuck said breathlessly against Mark's lips. Mark pressed his lips against the other boy's and following his order. Giving Donghyuck exactly what he wanted, More.
Heavy breaths, heated atmosphere, tension...
That's what Mark saw when he saw Donghyuck kissing another boy at a party. The boy was Lee Jeno, the current soccer team captain of his high school. Well, his old high school. He had graduated and of course, Donghyuck being the flamboyant boy he is just had to throw his hyung the best graduation party ever.
Of course it hurt seeing the boy he cared so deeply for shoving his tongue down another kid's throat. But what could Mark do? They weren't dating. They were just fuck buddies after all. Nothing more, nothing less. Mark just looked away and downed another shot of whatever the hell Jaemin served him.
"Your boy toy seems to be having a lot of fun over there," Jaemin said mixing another drink. Mark scowled at him, "He's not a toy". Jaemin laughed a little at that, "No, he's a fuck buddy but you want him to be more". Jaemin slid the drink over to Mark, "You should move on, Mark hyung. You and I both know how Donghyuck is. He belongs to no one but himself".
Heavy breaths, heated atmosphere, tension...
"We need to stop this," Mark said pushing himself away from Donghyuck. Donghyuck groans, "Can it stop after I cum?"
Mark shook his head, "No it can't. I can't keep doing this, Donghyuck." Donghyuck's eyebrows furrowed, "Doing this?" Mark nodded.
"I can't just keep being your side choice anymore. I like you, Donghyuck. So fucking much. But you keep hurting me," Mark said. "I want more than this. I want to be with you. But we both know how you are."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Donghyuck was getting defensive. "You know exactly what I mean. You always say you belong to no one and it's true," Mark said.
"You hide behind this wall because you're scared to be hurt, But in the long run, you're hurting people around you. Especially me. You hurt me so damn much, Hyuck," Mark said. When he looked up finally, he could see tears glistening at his eyes but he could tell he was refusing to let them fall.
"What are you getting at, Mark?" He finally asked. Mark stared straight into his eyes, "I'm leaving. I'm going back to Canada for a while. I don't know when I'll be back or if I'm ever coming back. I think we need this. This distance. We can't just keep hurting each other like this. I'm hurting this friendship or relationship or whatever the fuck this is and you're just hurting me. But I also hurt myself doing this every time."
"So that's it? You're just going to leave me?" Donghyuck asked. Tears now falling down his face. "Fine, leave. I don't need you because like you said, I don't belong to anyone"
Donghyuck got up and left. In the next week, Mark was gone.
It was at that moment, Donghyuck found out what heartbreak felt like.
