Belated Bloom - Lay (EXOxLay)

Throes of Woe

10:36 PM – St. Luke's International Hospital Room V502

Renjun felt his head bob momentarily, his body instinctively leaning forward to catch the weight as his brain fought the sleep away. Coughing to over up the action Renjun sat up a bit straighter and looked around blearily, seeing only the sleeping faces of his fellow pack members he gave a small little sigh of relief before slumping down once more. It was dark but he could still see that the others rested peacefully around him. The only sound in the room came from the steady, soft beeps of the machines on the other side of the bed before him.

Shaking his head once more to rid himself of lingering thoughts of sleep, Renjun leaned forward in his chair, as close as he dared, to the still body that lay on the bed.

'Don't worry hyung, I'm still here' quickly he reached out to grasp the hand he had been holding for the past half hour, 'I'll be right here when you wake up'.

The slim fingers of Zhang Yixing were lax and limp as the man slept on. So Renjun threaded their fingers together to give the nearly lifeless hand a little squeeze of reassurance. As he focused on the hand, his eyes couldn't help but linger on the bruises that lay dark and foreboding, like an obscene ring around his hyung's wrist- glancing over he caught sight of the matching set on the adjacent wrist as well. The sight, which by now burned in his brain like a brand, never failed to ignite a fiery flame of anger in his soul.

It wasn't even about the bruises themselves (though that also had him nearly spitting fire) it was because he now knew what they meant- who they were from.

He now knew why his hyung smelled different.

He knew why his hyung was hospitalized earlier that week.

He knows...he knows almost every sad, tragic detail. Everything.

Renjun bowed his head, shaking in anger but guilt soon shoved its way to the forefront as it had for the past hour. Taeyong had already told him he shouldn't blame himself; Johnny had tried to reassure him that they could not have know what was happening. But Renjun knows. He knows they could have done better- he had even seen some of the signs- they all had.

The scene of Yixing collapsing in their dorm and being dragged out of their nest by that...that thing, that monster- Taehyung. It replayed in his mind over and over.

Zhang Yixing, with his sad smile, trying to walk off the stage right in front of him.

Renjun shivered for the millionth time as he relived that moment, 'Goddamit we didn't do enough, we just let that asshole take him away. We let Yixing leave with that monster'. Renjun once again gently squeezed the hand clasped in his own. 'I'm so sorry hyung, I'm so sorry we couldn't protect you'. He kept his head bowed, unable to look at his hyung's pale and emotionless face- he had stared at it more than enough to know exactly what he would see.

"I...I don't know what to do hyung" he whispered out softly as his anxiety suddenly rose up like a wave.

He wasn't normally one to run away from his problems but in this moment Renjun felt like running away, miles and miles- hiding away from his hyung for whom he had promised to take care of and had failed so spectacularly. But- a small part of Renjun knew it would hurt Yixing even more if he didn't stay. And Renjun wasn't in the business of causing Yixing any more pain than he'd already had to suffer- because he knew Yixing had suffered more than a life time's worth already because of SM and Exo.

But he never truly knew exactly how much until today.

"I can't do this- see you like this" he sniffled a bit as the anxiety and guilt brought tears to his eyes. "I Can't, b-but I must- because t-this wasn't your fault...it w-was ours h-hyung, I-" he choked out the last bit, "I'm so sorry."