When It All Crash Down

Chapter: Watch Your Car Burn

May 21st 2012 7:34am

I walk down stairs into the Living Room, I see my family scattered around the room.
"Mommy, mommy! Can I get the Barbie Dream House? It's my Birthday!" My sister exclaimed. Today is her birthday, so I knew my mom wasn't going to give me any attention this week, apparently my sister was the princess of the family. She got everything, and the fact that today was her birthday, made it worse.  I wish I could just get rid of her.
My dad did love me,  but he was busy with work, I now only see him in the mornings.
"Andy, I can tell your jealous, like always." My dad said behind me on the sofa.
"Andy, we love you as much as we love Carolina, and never forget that." My dad give a stern look.
"Alright, I guess." I say, I knew that he knows I don't get attention from my mom, and tried to make up for it. At least he tried to love me.

I look at the clock, it's 7:41am. I grab my backpack and head out the door with my mom and sister behind me. I can hear my sister yelling at my mom for her to sit in the front because it's 'her birthday'.

"Okay Carolina, just promised not to bug me on the way." My mom looked at my sister and my sister just smiled with an evil grin. Why is she like this? Bratty and annoying as ever.

We get in the car, I sat in the backseat. While my sister was in the front swinging her feet. My mom started the car and we started to head to school, I looked out the window and the radio played the song  'Watch'

"I'll sit and watch your car burn
With the fire that you started in me
But you never came back to ask it out
Go ahead and watch my heart burn
With the fire that you started in me
But I'll never let you back to put it out"

"MOMMY! This song is BORING! Change it! Change it! Change it right now!" Carolina started to kick the airbag compartment and continued yelling and hitting my mother. Was Carolina really throwing a tantrum over a SONG? Really expected more from her.
"CAROLINA! Behave yourself! I raised a polite lady! Not a crybaby!" My mom screamed, she turned to my sister and looked her in the eyes and lectured her about manners and all that jazz. I looked at the front window and it was a car swerving all over the place. It hit a grey car, a blue car, and then our car.
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C r a s h
That's was all I saw, all I heard. Fire rising up from the 4 cars. I fell out the car through the car windows. Everything was aching in my body. I couldn't move, I just laid there, covered in glass and blood. Everything was blurry. I can feel the glass shards in my arm, the metal pieces in my leg. I can smell the fire, the gasoline, the smell of burning flesh.

8:02am

I hear police cars, ambulances, people talking. My vision got worse. I see them get closer to me. Then it fades to black, and into empty space.

I woke up in a hospital type room. E.R? I'm not sure. But I stayed for a month to heal. Unfortunately, Carolina died due to blood loss and my mom died because a metal stick went through her body. Out of all the people this could have happened to, it was me? I really regret thinking that my sister was some monster and that I never talked to her. I could've at least make time to hug her when she cried over a boy, instead I laughed and told her to go to mom. I could've made time to teach her how to ride a bike, I instead told her to go to dad.

I could've been a big brother, I could've been a good brother.

I could've made time to protect her from monsters in her closet even though they're just coat hangers.
I could've made time to pay attention to her. Maybe that's why she always went to mom for attention, because I wasn't a good enough brother.

We've could've made special memories.

But all she got was a careless stranger.

Where was her caring brother? Where was the shoulder for her to cry on? Where was person to look up to? Where was the person to talk to? Where?

I messed up. All I want to do is say I'm sorry for being a stranger.

Mom. All I done was complain about what she did wrong. All I done was telling her to leave me alone. I did nothing memorable. I'm sorry.
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October 15th 2013 11:43pm

It's the end of the day, the bell has rung, the class and I packed up and started heading towards the door. I get stopped by a boy with dark brown eyes, almost black, black hair with puffy bangs. He taps me on the shoulder and hands me my homework that I've must've dropped.

"Hey Andy, if I'm right, you dropped your math homework." He said with a heavy Asian accent, I think he was the foreign exchange student people were talking about.
"Oh, thank you! What's your name?" I asked, this kid seems cool and nice. Maybe he can be my friend.
"My name is Myung! I really like your shirt! Where did you get it?" He looked at me with a bright smile, I already know I found my best friend.
"My mom gave it to me on my 8th birthday." I look to the side, I still couldn't really mention my mother without tears in the corners of my eyes.
"Oh, cool!" Myung and I started walking out the classroom together and into the hallways. Kids screaming, yelling profanities at each other, even though kids where running, pushing shoving. Myung still noticed something.
"Andy... Are you good? Your hand looks hurt." Myung has a concerned look on his face, I told him what happened and the car accident.
"At least your alive, and hopefully well." He made another bright smile, which I consider one of his main features. That smile can cheer you up in an instant.

Me, Myung, and the other students walk out the gates. More children yelling, people talking to their younger siblings, people buying chips off that one guy with 23 bags of Takis. Myung and I then walk to the crosswalks, I turns to a white Toyota truck and turns back to me.
"Hey Andy, I need to go. See you tomorrow!" Myung runs to car and gets in. I take a closer look and I see a little girl, probably his sister, then he gets in the car and gives her a warm hug and his bright smile.

That could've been me, giving my sister hugs after school, asking her about her day, talking with her. She was only 5, I was 8, I was smart enough to give her that attention. She needed that kind of attention, but I didn't do anything like that. I turn back, the sign to cross was glowing, as a normal person would do, I crossed.

I don't want to go home

After Carolina and mom died, my dad became aggressive and alcoholic, I asked my P.E teacher the other week on why my dad drinks so much alcohol when he's mad or upset, Mr. Williams said it was for coping with pain but not in a healthy way and said to me, "Whatever you do, promise me not to do any of what your dad does."
I think about that quote a lot. Good advice to take now that my dad is like this. He would kick me to the floor, or hit me with hot objects. He did this cause it's my fault, he said I could have at least help or communicate with my sister and mom instead of being a 'useless bitch'.

I arrive at my door and ring the doorbell , instead of being greeted by my drunk dad, I'm greeted with my cousin, Kevin. Kevin said hi to me and let me in, he explained that my dad is out of town for the week and he'll be watching me because I'm only 9, which is reasonable.
I tell Kevin I needed to go upstairs and dropped my bag, I finished my homework during lunch anyways and I don't feel like studying at the moment.
As I go to my room, I pass my sisters room. I open the door and look around her untouched room. No one really came in anymore after their death. As I look around, I found a diary on her desk, and the key on her nightstand.

"I'm sorry Carolina."