The Stubborn Miss Butler

16

"You have to apologize," Eleanor advised gently. Beau leant his head against her stomach and breathed deeply to calm himself. He almost couldn't believe he'd finally gotten to say his piece. It was cathartic and mortifying all in one. "You can't go on like this. I know you know that, Beau Wilkes. It's you it'll hurt if you keep a hold on this grudge like you do."

Beau was defensive. "It's not just some grudge, Eleanor. He abandoned me."

She sighed and brushed a hand through his hair. She could never understand what it was to have a parent leave her.

As much as they loved Bonnie, they loved her too, in their own way. Beau, on the other hand, had never been sure of his father's love. It was a distant concept and a fickle thing that hardened his heart. Growing up with Beau, Eleanor had never been happy with Ashley either. They were together in that.

Still, Eleanor tried earnestly to give her thoughts. "And what does it say about you if you leave it how you have? Hm? You're a good person, Beau. You're a much better person than he will ever be, and I know that your father knows that. He must have been counting on that, because he knows he doesn't deserve your forgiveness. But, he and I, we both know you'll give it to him."

Beau furrowed his brow and scowled at that thought. He couldn't imagine forgiving him. He'd spent so much of his life vowing he never would, and now, Eleanor was suggesting the very thing he felt he couldn't do.

She knelt down to embrace him, her skirts fanning out on the floor around her. She looked concerned and earnest about her plea. Her round face stared up at him with big, entreating eyes. If he couldn't do it for himself, she asked him to do it for her. For their future and whatever children they might have.

Deep inside, Beau knew she was in the right, but that didn't change how difficult the situation was for him.

And yet, Eleanor of all people knew what it was to do things for others. She left her beloved South for him, she championed him more than he felt he deserved. There was no doubt in his mind that she wouldn't even bat an eye, if it had been her.

Still, Beau sat numb to it all. Any action felt too much. He needed the moment to sit and reflect on his next move.

When he was young, he remembered his mother holding him and cooing sweet lullabies at his bedside. Melanie Wilkes had the softest voice and the gentlest heart, and Beau had had the pleasure of being loved unconditionally by her. She truly never had a bad word about anybody, and Beau used to wonder whether she might have just thought ill things but chose not to say them. It seemed like a part of human nature to pass judgement, but not her, never his mother. She was empathetic and patient. Lord, Beau thought, she must have had so much of the latter dealing with him and his father.

When she passed, it felt as if he expected the same out of Ashley. When his father failed to deliver time and time again, he merely lowered his standards bit by bit, but Beau loved him as if he met them all.

In the end, his father had been the grandest disappointment of his life and he didn't know what his mother had expected. He felt anger once for her abandonment and then he started to wonder whether his father been the same way to her. He remembered the whole affair with Eleanor's mother and his failure at managing a mill. He remembered that sometimes Ashley neglected his mother and he failed to notice her true value until after she had gone. And yet, his mother was not a stupid woman.

She must have known, and yet, she still loved him. Despite all of his failings, she still accepted him for who he was because he made an effort to better himself. If there was anything Beau could commend him for, it was that he was the king of delayed amends. He was nearly always past due, but he made it there all the same.