46:15:33

Letter to Mr. and Mrs. Lee Douglas

(5 months later)

Dear Mom and Dad,

        A day does not go by without thinking about you two. 

"Trying to let go of these memories of sorrows

which are trapped inside of me,

where I feel alone, no one sees me crying.

I close my eyes and I see my dreams,

Dreams of tomorrow, the way I want things to be.

Angel, keep watch over me.

The memories keep control of me,

The bad storms and cold weather rain

which fall from the heavens.

Angel, wash away these memories which are inside me.

I want to cry, I want to cry,

Tears from heaven falling from my eyes,

Wash away the pain which keeps control of me.

Angel, sing, sing the song

which will bring the dreams of tomorrow,

Of sunshine, not of rain,

Letting go of the memories

Which trap my sorrows inside of me." 

I did something terrible, that God will never forgive me of.

Christopher. he told me about this party of his and i wanted to go. I thought that maybe i could repair my relationship with Demetria and maybe everything would be alright. Christopher, oh Christopher... he did something horrible to me... he forced me to do something i did not want to. It's to pain to say or to put into words so i'll just leave it as that.

Mommy, daddy... where are you guys when i need you the most. These past 5 years have been miserable without you two! but i now understand what i must do. I need to go back to Jehovah... repair my relationship with him ... Oh boy, oh boy.  Christopher, oh Christopher... i can't believe he did what he did. 

I wish you guys were here to guide me. These years have been really hard and lonely. I've done some stupid  things and did i mention i'm in an institutional home. I tried to commit suicide after he did what he did. I can't live with this kind of memory. Some of the brothers and sisters some the meeting came to visit me. I've been here for 3 months but each day i get better and better. I use to try to drown myself with blood because i thought that i was the one who killed you guys. I secretly still think that... but my doctor has told me that everybody makes mistakes sometimes. I had no idea and no control of what happened in that car. 

Christopher is in jail... he'll be there for a while. Not only did he do things to me, but to many other girls too! It's just so sad. Demietria's heart was broken and she felt so disgusted. I know that because... 

Demetria and I have become friends again. Her family is now starting to come back to the meetings. As soon as i get out of this place... i'm going out in field service and playing Just Dance 4 with Demetria... just like old times. 

I understand that things won't go smoothly... i'm still trying to grasp the idea that my mommy and daddy are gone. But don't worry i'll see you guys soon in the Paradise!

       I love you guys...

                 Love always Sandra .