Dreamers Never Die

Twelve - Will You Take Care of Me?

I scrubbed mercilessly at the black markings littering the red page of paper I had been scribbling onto.

Nothing had lasted longer than a few minutes before being erased. Almost a full pencil's eraser had been used and you could see the faint lines of words that had previously been on the paper.

While I had enjoyed the kiss shared between us on Thanksgiving, it was no proper 'propasal' for any relationship. Even if people did see as a couple with our fingers interlocked as we walked the halls of school, but it was more important how I viewed us than how anybody else did.

This was the reason for the card I had been trying to construct for the past hour. My ideal plan had been doing this in Australia, a sort of suprise to Jenna, but I lacked both the funds and the will to try and find the perfect place in a country I had never even been too. My plan B had been just shaping the card similar to the country, but that had been scraped as I had no intention of being tacky. I needed this to be special.

Next hour was the last class I had with Jenna for the day and this was where I intended to pop the 'dating' question, similar to that of marriage but far less perminant, although I would enjoy something similar in the long run.

The reason for the odd setting was simple.

The cruel inside part of me knew Jenna may be too nice to say no to me in front of many of her other friends and fellow classmates. Despite her initiating the famous kiss, a part of me still felt as if she hadn't meant it somehow. Like it was meant to be for somebody else but I had stolen it away from them.

With the clock winding down to the bell, I desperately looked down at the paper in front of me in hopes that words would magically fill the page with words I couldn't seem to fathom on my own.

When I looked down though, the only thing was the Dear Jenna, that I had written by myself with the faint lines of previously failed poems I had tried to make clever and filled with small inside jokes we had shared.

I sighed in frustration, almost willing to crumple the red card stock if it hadn't been the last piece I had brought with me today. A whole pack of brightly colored paper layed in my room at home, but I was fairly certain I didn't have the patience to wait until tomorrow to bring this up. By then everything I wanted to say at this exact moment was going to be forgotten.

Then maybe what you have to say isn't that imprtant if you're going to forget. My mother's voice rang through my ears, as if my brain was trying to tell me this was a bad idea.

Bad idea or not, my time had finally run out as the bell echoed twice through the quiet room. I had skipped out on doing my actual work seeing as I had wanted to finish this. Yet, all I was left with was scrap paper that I just tossed into the blue recycling  bin.

I had no clue as to what my next plan was. The correct classroom just a few doors down loomed almost darkly with every step closer I got to it. I wondered if the kids surrounding me could sense my nervousness or if they were simply too busy with their own problems to notice. I'm guessing the latter.

As soon as I entered the Biology room, I wanted to walk back out. Jenna had a habit of beating me to the room and the tradition had been kept up today.

If she hadn't spotted me, I probably would have retreated, used an excuse that I had a dental appointment of some sort, but once her bubbly face and wide smile turned and met my gaze there was no going back. I knew exactly what I needed to do.

"Hey. Come here often?" Jenna greeted happily, nudging me with her elbow as if she almost expected me not to get the joke. I would have laughed along anyways though.

As soon as she saw my glazed over look though, her smile dropped and changed into one of worry and concern.

I half expected her to just try and brush my look off with a typical what? Didn't like the joke? followed by another shared laugh between us. Instead, she placed a hand on my shoulder out of concern and shook me lightly as to try and bring me back to reality.

"You okay?" I could tell she was refraining from using my name in the sentences, the nickname given to me rhyming with the last word of almost everything else she had previously said. Normally she would said my name anyways like a shared joke, and that was the moment when her actually being concerned for my well being struck me, as if the idea had never come to me before. That was definitely how it felt.

Without saying anything, I grabbed her hand in mine. I could feel the tears beginning to brim my eyes, trying to push away what I had just realized and how much it secretly meant to me. Few students littered the classroom, but the few who did had turned to face us. I suppose the two lesbian chicks in the corner having a moment was too good of a moment for even the dumbest of kids to miss out on.

"Jenna..." I began. My voice cracked as I said it, but she just acted as if she hadn't heard it which I was grateful for. "I wanted to write you a card, so I could think everything through a little better, but that isn't really an option now." Jenna smiled as I continued.

"Since Thanksgiving, my mind has been racing with thoughts about you. The way you look everyday, the way you carry yourself, how you smile at the dumbest of things. And since then it's always been a mystery as to what we are, as if we're trapped in some little grey space of a relationship." I took a deep breath, trying to stop any rambling as I could hear more kids filing in. "I want to get out of this grey and into something more clear. Cutting all the shit, will you be my girlfriend?"

As I spoke, a smile almost never left Jenna's face. She had laced my fingers in with hers at some point and her warm hands were beginning to calm me down.

Jenna nodded eagerly as wrapped her arms around my body into a deep hug. It took a second for a smile to make it's way to replace my look of worry, with it came my arms wrapping around her as well.

I wanted to keep this moment forever in my memory. Jenna with her hair pulled up into two crazy buns sticking up at the top of her head, a black shirt and a green flannel covering her top half with ripped blue jeans for the lower portion. Most would find the outfit to be too 'out there' but to me she looked beautiful. I would never want to change a thing about her.

As the bell rang and we were forced to resign to our seats to listen to a lecture concerning cell structure, I could still feel Jenna's hug lingering with me and her hand make it's way into mine underneith the table.

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Some fluff since I haven't updated in awhile.
If the spacing is off, it's probably because of my phone being a butt.

As always, thanks for reading!