Luna Raine

XII. Specist

Raine's POV:

The school wasn't the same without Cory.

I can tell the student body was disappointed that one of their best athletics and friends was gone.

"Stupid wolf school taking everything."

"Stupid council giving those stupid wolves everything."

"I hate them. I hate them. I hate them."

The depression at school was at an all-time high.

But, the worst reaction comes from the chattering girl beside me. I lean against the lockers and smile, pretending I did not see the puffy eyes or red cheeks. The makeup on her face was piled, attempting to hide the inevitable. Her hair was tied back to escape the frizzed. I could ask her if everything is okay, but it would be best not to do it. Not to release another burst of negative emotions.

I laugh at what she said. Even if the laughter was fake, it was something she needed—some joy in the misery around us. Everyone was a constant reminder that her best friend left. How her best friend left to go to a dangerous school. How her best friends could die at any second.

She doesn't need that.

Notably, from me.

I couldn't deny it. How my past actions undoubtedly lead us to where we are now. Cory said he chose to do this, and he reassures me that helping me go home was only secondary to making his parents proud. But, I knew my depression plays a role in his decision. I moped more than necessary, and it was shown through my eyes.

I work so hard to justify it. But, my subconscious only got more demanding, and it hurts. I talked to the soccer team, and there weren't any bets. No one signed up for the program. Cory's parents didn't pressure him into doing it either. It was all an excuse. Did he genuinely want to do it? Or did he do it for me? And in any possibility, he did it for me. He shouldn't. He shouldn't help someone he barely knew for a year. Not to this extent, at least.

My head hurts.

I'm tired of the fake smile on my face. Helen held me, "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For not making me sad."

Steadily, I pat her back. I wish I could do more, but in reality, I couldn't.

I'm at a standstill.

I can't go anywhere without fear that someone will kill me.

I can't do anything due to the lack of power.

I knew the reason why. It's because I'm afraid.

I'm afraid of leaving the comfort zone.

Whenever I have a plan of leaving the human community, these thoughts would appear.

What if someone kidnaps me again?

What if I get lost?

What if a monster kills me?

What if no one comes looking for me?

These negative thoughts would continuously cycle inside my mind. In reality, there is some truth to it. If someone took me. If I got lost. If I died. No one would come looking for me.

Helen and Cory?

Wouldn't they simply move on?

Similar to how they witness a corpse vampire.

They moved on.

Maybe, I'm undervaluing my existence in their lives, but perhaps I'm not.

So many thoughts swirl inside my mind, and I felt sicker by the day. I hate it—these negative thoughts.