Die With The Truth

Entry Ten: Why?

It did not end. The past week of school has been absolutely awful. Every morning I found a note in my locker with that one single word on it. Every time I opened a textbook, a paper would fall out. It was easy for this person to hide the notes in my books, because all the books I use are under my number for that class. How they found out my number for each class, I do not know. I was getting tired of this stupid game, I was tired of people looking at me strange and whispering, I was tired of being judged by people for not saving a boy's life, I was tired of it all, so I decided to try and put a stop to it.

"I know you all hate me. I know you all are wondering why I did what I did that night. The problem is that none of you thought for one second what you would have done if you were in my shoes. Do not say you thought about it, do not say you would have saved him, because if you were me, and if you knew him the way I did, you would think differently about my actions. I felt sorry at first, I actually felt awful, but now I realized I have no reason to be sorry. I did not do anything wrong, but in your eyes, you see it as I did not do anything right. Look closer at the situation, and really think, would you have told someone you loved them if you did not, would you have given them that false hope that feelings actually existed?"

The minute I posted it on my blog, I regretted it. I wanted to take it down, but that would not have made a difference. In that moment, I realized all those internet safety assemblies at school were right, once it is online, it never goes away. I got replies to the post almost instantly.

"You just needed to say three words and he would be with us now and none of this would have happened. He would have been okay. You would have been known as the hero who saved a boy attempting suicide, but instead you were stupid, and now you are the villain who let the boy die."

"Dumb bitch, you think this changed anything? You think one post will fix it all and bring him back? WAKE UP, HE IS STILL DEAD! BECAUSE OF YOU!!"

They kept going, but I stopped reading. I was now sick to my stomach because the world really does hate me. After I recovered from being nauseous, I decided to scroll through to see if any blogger's location came up. Some people were from Nevada, Ohio, Oregon, Maryland, even Canadian bloggers replied negatively to my post. They did not even know me, until I let him die. They are angry with a stranger. Not one person said anything positive, but I guess I couldn't blame them, you can't be positive about suicide .

After that lovely fiasco, I got a text from an unknown number. Before I even read the message, I knew it was going to say "Why?" and I was right. I texted the number back asking who it was, but they sent back "Why?" again. This continued for about ten minutes, then I stopped texting back. A few minutes after I did not answer, the unknown person texted again, and again, and again. I shut my phone off because it was driving me crazy and it was really creepy too. This had to be the same person who had hidden the notes, but I had not the faintest clue who this was.