Haven

Prologue

Tahimik ang aking paligid. Tanging ang paghinga ko lamang at ang mga maliliit na huni ng ibon ang aking naririnig. I live for this kind of tranquility.

Subalit, ayaw ko rin ng ganitong klase ng katahimikan kung miminsan. The silence is deafening and I could clearly hear the monsters inside my head.

I could clearly visualize my dying self.

Alam kong marami sa atin ang araw-araw na nakikipaglaban sa mga kaisipan na pilit tayong nilulunod. And the more na nalulunod tayo, the more rin na nagiging malungkot tayo. It's so hard to save yourself from drowning.

"Ang ganda, kaso nakakapagod na," sabi ko sa sarili ko. Pinagmamasdan ko lamang ang mga sanga't dahon nitong punong mas matanda pa kaysa sa akin.

Ang swerte naman ng punong to. Haba ng buhay. Sana ako rin.

Alam mo ba, I don't really want to ask for anything else from Papa God kasi I know I'm already a privileged kid. Kadalasang sabi nga ng mga friends ko sa akin, siguro raw nung nagpaulan ng sandamakmak na blessings ang Diyos, naligo raw siguro ang pamilya ko sa ulan na 'yon. Sobrang grateful ako sa lahat ng mayroon ako ngayon. Kaso... may kulang.

I want to live longer.

Pero there are days na gusto ko na lang rin mamatay kasi pagod na rin akong mabuhay. Then it hits me. I remember those people who are desperately trying to fight for their lives. Mahirap pa man din yung lumalaban ka para lang mabuhay. At mas mahirap lumaban kapag walang kasiguraduhan yung pinaglalaban mo.

I can feel a sarcastic smile escaping my lips and say to myself again, "Desperately trying to survive and live everyday was never easy when each of my breath reminds me that I could die anytime and anywhere."

Buti na lang I have a very loving family and I'm certain that I live because of them. I live because I want to see my parents with their grayed out hair, my Kuya Theo na successful at may sariling family na.

I live for them. I was certain of it... until one day, I was made to view things on a bigger perspective.

Naniniwala na talaga ko ngayon na we don't meet people for no apparent reason because things do happen for a reason and in most circumstances, people are the variables and means for you to find out that exact reason.

Napag isip isip ko rin na perhaps we're just meant to be a part of someone else's story. Perhaps we're just some extra na ginagawa ang best niya para lang mai-portray ng maayos yung character niya.

Perhaps we are just meant to meet people, be with them, and leave them afterwards. I don't know.

Ironically, my mind is in haywire and at peace at the same time after meeting someone...

And it's him.