If You're Thinking of Writing a Cliche...

#2 Cliche - Vampires

Here's yet another cliche, one of the most popular along with werewolves... VAMPIRES.   Thankfully, these are slightly more diverse, though honestly not by much, let me point out that probably close to 90% of stories are humanxvampire, almost never vampxvamp or vampxwere, and the HumanxVampire stories go like this:

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If it's a school-life vampire story (meaning both the vamp and main character are in school):

1. The main character is human, she's plain and boring and awkward and a total clutz.  (it's almost always a girl whose human and the male is the vampire), she's raised by vampires or lives in a completely normal world until some mega-sexy new guy shows up at school (introducing: The Vampire)

2. The girls find him irresistable, other girls are throwing themselves at him because they simply can't control themselves around his hotness, yet the MC (main character) sits in her desk, pretending to not care.  

3. Vampire notices her because she's ignoring him and suddenly pays attention to the boring, clutzy, plain MC.  He completely ignores every other girl, who are still throwing themselves at him.  This obviously pisses off the rest of the females, who target the MC through bullying right after this, usually telling her to leave him alone or 'else'.  

4.  MC gets beaten up, vampire saves her, and its the start of a beautiful friendship, which soon blossoms into love (give it about a week after meeting each other, and they're then dating)

5. The MC realizes her boyfriend is a blood sucking vampire by either 1. getting bitten, 2. seeing him attack someone else (because he's hungry OR the victim attacked the MC), or 3. he simply tells her as if it's no big deal. 

6. She doesn't find him drinking blood disgusting, happily lets him use her for his blood bag, she gets turned into a vampire and they live happily ever after. 

If it is not a school-life vampire story (meaning the vampire isn't in school, but the main character usually is):

1. MC is being attacked, either by rapists, another vampire or THE vampire himself.

2. Mighty hero saves her from rapists/other vampire OR he doesn't kill her and decides to keep her because her blood is perfection (by either kidnapping her, just stalking her or coming into her dreams like a creep).

3. MC dreams and wishes to meet this hero again, (doesn't matter if he was the one to attack her, he's sexy and she must see him again) so she gets careless and tries to find him, looks for him in crowds, etc. Or if he's kidnapped her, she feels an attraction towards him even though he's kidnapped her, etc.

4. She's usually the bullied girl in school who has no friends, or the outcasts for friends, her parents abuse her, etc.

5. Vampire will realize she's being abused and save her from her awful life, they live happily ever after. 

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Here's some things I'd like to b*tch about.  

Firstly, why does the girl always have to be the human?  Why can't the boy be human sometimes?  Or why does it always have to be humanxvampire?  I'll tell you why!  Because a guy wouldn't be stupid enough to ask to become a vampire, and without the vampxhuman relationship, there's no arguments or real relationship problems in the story, so there's nothing a reader can relate to.  

That's one of the only reasons every MC girl in a vampire story is human, is to cause relationship problems later on about being turned into a vampire. 

She always gets what she wants, and that is ridiculous.  Why can't people make it to where she doesn't become one, instead her oh-so-perfect vampire boyfriend is forced to watch her grow old, take care of her and change her freaking diapers when she's 90 or something.