Anemone

Two - Jinyoung

"I'll just go upstairs the building to get something. I'll be back." I nodded. Manager Yul walked outside the SoulCup cafe, heading towards the JYP bldg on the right.

My schedule is done for today. 10 pm, it flashes on my phone and my mood for sleep haunts me once again. There are not many customers here at the cafe right now except for a bunch of staff and stylists from JYP which are taking a rest from their own individual tasks. By the time my manager comes back, we're set to leave. I chose to stay and finish the slice of my strawberry shortcake. My phone keeps on buzzing and getting flooded by tons of fans commenting on my social media accounts about my 5th win on Inkigayo for tonight. After all, my 6 years of being a soloist paid off. Really, being an idol is not all glitter and glamour and fame and fortune. Once you become an idol, your identity, you as a person, and even your private affairs are a hot topic for all occasions. You'll really be blessed with an abundant loyalists following you wherever you go to watch your concerts, support your comebacks and buy all of your company merchandise, food and clothing brands that you endorse and even memorize all of your songs and drama lines. It gives us a character upliftment as an artist, that I was able to share my craft and talent to give inspiration to the youth to follow their dreams and to simply make others happy.

Happiness, the genuine kind, maybe that's the only thing I don't have right at the moment. By happy, I'm happy with my career, my self-growth, my influence to all young aspirants. But the real kind of happiness? That's a milestone I'm having a hard time to reach. Maybe my fans can experience it through my songs, during fansigning events or any other close encounter with them that will totally make their hearts flutter and send them to the seventh heaven. Were Idols, they looked at us as if were flawless, perfect gods and goddesses. No, we don't have superpowers. We can't rob time to meet our own families and loved ones. We can't freely walk outside without the fear of being swarmed by fans. We can't have a normal life like staying at saunas or renting noraebangs. We're people too, humans who can feel empty in the inside, disappointed, and void of emotions but can still manage to smile in the outside. We're trained to ignore and to feel nothing about all the hate comments thrown all over our faces or about these fanwars emerging on the social media platforms. But deep inside, we're never happy. It sucks to make someone else happy and to not even have a single clue on how to make yourself happy.

They say the heart is the only one that can tell if you're genuinely happy.

If you can feel your heart beating crazy like you won a marathon.

When you feel like your smile has dominated your whole face leaving no space for a sulking expression.

When you felt like your world has stopped and gravity suddenly become extinct on earth and things started to float around you leaving you lifeless on the ground.

My throat suddenly went dry as my eyes search through a familiar silhouette outside. The thick glass wall separating me and the car parked in front of the café made me doubt myself if I was seeing things or am I just imagining. I can never be wrong. She's here. She's back. My happiness that was snatched away from me 5 years ago is finally back.

Chaewon recognized me first then her, and her gaze followed her friend on the driver's seat as if they saw a ghost. They went out of the car and hurriedly made an entrance to the cafe. The staffs bowed to their manager altogether when they saw Chaewon upon the door, leading a new face behind her inside. Our eyes met in an instant, Seji, I can't believe you're back. I took long strides and approached them on the counter, eyes not leaving her which is doing the same to mine.

"We should close the café now, all of you guys deserve to go home early on a friday night." Chaewon announced by the time I reached them.

"Oh, Jinyoung you're here. I didn't expect you to be here at this hour." Chaewon smiled and I returned her greeting. Seeing the bright faces of her crew, they all started to wrap up things and call it a day. Chaewon is currently the head and manager of the SoulCup café, an affiliate of JYP ent that's why all of the artists and staff are free to hang out in here anytime. She's a good friend of mine, a friend to both Seji and I. In fact she's a business woman, owning shares of the majority of the cafe chains across Seoul and even the most famous cafe at Konkukk University where I met Seji.