Finding His Shadow

The Beginning

I held the letter close to my chest, my brother Matthew, had written me a letter from Europe where he was stationed. Matthew had been drafted soon after the United States joined the second world war. He was doing what he thought was right, but he left me alone with our father. Our mother died giving birth to me and my father never forgave me. There were nights where he would get so upset about losing our mother that he would start drinking and take it out on me. Matthew protected me while we were home, but now he's gone. I stared into the emptiness of our Brooklyn backyard. It was almost completely dark outside and I could hardly make out the back of the house across from us, which was impressive since the houses are close together here. It was raining outside almost as if the weather was mimicking my own tears falling down my face. I could feel myself getting chills from the cold rain and from the concrete step I was sitting on. My dark brown hair was getting stuck to my forehead and my back. I knew that I should go inside, but I wanted to have this moment to myself and I didn't want my dad to ruin it. I looked back down at the letter and watched as the rain drops began to smear Matthew's words. I heard some rustling to my left and looked up to see Steve looking at me with a concerned look on his face. Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes had been my only saving graces during my childhood other than Matthew. I loved both of them but Steve and I had a special bond. I had forgotten I had invited him over tonight to talk about some things.

"Sam, what's wrong? Is it Matthew or your dad?" Steve asked me softly as he sat next to me on the step.

I looked at him through my tears, "Both... It's just I wish Matthew were still here and I don't know what I'd do if he doesn't make it back home. My dad's gotten worse he won't even look at me. He just pretends like I doesn't exist which is worse than when he did pay attention to me..." Steve knew about my dad hitting me and he even tried to stand up to him once. It didn't go well... my dad knocked him around until Matthew got home a few minutes later and stopped him.

Steve's blue eyes looked at you with sadness and empathy, "You know I'd go over there in a heartbeat if you could have your brother back. I also wish that I could get you away from your dad."

I leaned into his shoulder, which made me have to bend down to meet his 5'4" frame to my 5'6", "You know I wouldn't want you to leave me either. The only way you go to war is if I go with you remember?"

"What about Bucky?", he had disdain in his voice when he said this, almost like a hint of jealousy.

I picked my head up off his shoulder to lock my blue eyes to his, "I mean I wouldn't want to lose him either, but why would you say that? I was talking about you not Bucky."

"I just thought, I mean..." Steve started to blush and look away from me, "I thought you had feelings for Bucky."

I opened my mouth to respond when my dad opened the backdoor to tell me that dinner was ready. The one time that he wants to talk to me he ruins my moment with Steve.

"I better get going." And with that Steve was gone.

I watched him leave with all those words that I wanted to tell him lost in the air. I wanted to tell him that Bucky was like a brother to me and that I didn't feel that way about him. I wanted to tell him that even though he was 5 foot 4 and scrawny that I still felt safe with him. I wanted to tell him that since I was 15 I knew that I was in love with Steve Rogers.

The next day was the Stark Expo and Bucky had secured him and Steve dates for the event. I didn't want to intrude on their fun, or see Steve with a date, so I decided not to go. After much begging from both boys I finally caved in and decided to join them. Mostly because it was Bucky's last night before he went off to war. The technology was amazing, although Howard Stark had a little bit too much star power for me. The girl that Bucky tried to set Steve up with took one look at him and decided he wasn't good enough. Which made me both angry and happy at the same time. Happy that I didn't have to worry about Steve being on a date in front of yme , and angry that she didn't even for a second try to get to know him. Steve and I hung back from them and walked in silence taking everything in.