Finding His Shadow

Camp Lehigh

It had been a few weeks and both Steve and I had been at Camp Leigh going through boot camp and getting ready for the war. It hurt me to see Steve struggling to keep up with everyone else, but I was also proud of him for his perseverance. He did everything that they asked him even when they told him he did not have to.

It was 0900 and the sun was beating down on my back. I could feel the sun burn through my dirty white shirt. I could feel the sweat dripping down my back and forehead. My brown hair was pulled back into a messy ponytail, which had been slicked back before the 3-mile morning run. I pulled the bottom of my shirt up to wipe the sweat that was dripping from my forehead. I could feel from the slight coolness on my abdomen that I had lifted it up higher than I had intended.

              From my right I heard, "Take it all the way off sweetheart!", it was Hodges. Several men around him laughed. Hodges and the other men have been trying to make Steve's life a living hell here and have been sexually harassing me since we got here. I turned toward Hodges and opened my mouth to say something but was cut off by another voice.

              "Hey! Have some respect that is no way to talk to a lady!" I whipped my head around to see Steve coming up behind me to walk up to Hodges and the other men.

I grabbed his arm as he walked by, "Steve, no it's not worth it."

"Yeah Stevie listen to your girlfriend." Hodges mocked, "She'll have to protect you if you get into a fight." Steve pulled his arm away from my grasp at this comment like I was burning his skin.

"You know what Hodges? Steve is worth ten times more than you are. You are nothing compared to the man he is. You're a coward who hides behinds your masculinity because you're scared. You're scared to be in this war, and you're scared for people to find out how scared you actually are to be here." I shot back at him. All this pent-up anger from the last few weeks of him treating Steve and I like shit just came spilling out. I couldn't take it anymore, Steve deserved better than to be treated the way he was being treated.

Before a fight could break out or any more insults could be thrown Peggy Carter walked up and called us to attention. She had us all get down and start doing pushups as punishment for our arguing. She had us do jumping jacks after this which made the heat and sweating so much worse. I could see Steve out of the corner of my eye struggling to complete a jumping jack, he looked like he was about to collapse.

Then I heard, "Grenade!". I stood there frozen watching everything unfold in slow motion. The men all scattered, all but Steve. Steve immediately jumped on it and shielded it with his body to minimize the blast. He laid on it on his side and curled up into a ball around it. When my senses came back to me, I ran to him and used my own body to protect him. I would not and could not let him die like this alone. I held him close to me and wrapped my arms around his torso. My body was pressed against his, my chest against his back. I could feel his heartbeat through his back, it was beating so fast, he was scared. I was so lost in the thought of us pressed together that I did not even notice that the grenade had not gone off. It had been a dummy grenade. It was a test. One that everyone else failed. Steve and I got up and looked at each other. His face was red, and I thought it was from the heat, but I soon realized that he was embarrassed.

              "Please stop trying to protect me. I know you mean well, but I can take care of myself. I have taken care of myself my whole life." And with that Steve walked away to his bunk.

              I thought it would be best for me to give him some time after everything that had happened. I went back to my bunk that I shared with Peggy. Peggy and I were the only two women at the camp, so we got put together despite our different ranks. I had been in my bunk for a few moments before Dr. Erskine came and told me that I was one of the two that was chosen to get the super solider serum. I couldn't believe that he had chosen me as one of the First people to receive the serum and I wondered who the other was even though I was pretty sure I knew. I tried to spend a few hours during our break doing mindless tasks but wasn't succeeding. I finally couldn't take it anymore and got up to go see Steve. It was around eight at night when the other men usually went to sneak drinks. I knew that Steve never partook in that so he would be in the barracks alone. I walked in to see his head down and I knew that he was sketching in his notebook. It was what he has always done when he was upset.

              I knocked on the post next to him to let him know I was there, "Steve." He looked up at me from his sketch book and quickly put it away under his pillow. "Look I'm sorry if you feel like I'm being overbearing, but I can't stand how they treat you."

              "I'm sorry too. I overreacted but those guys just get to me. They're jerks. They remind me of all the guys who used to pick on me in Brooklyn and used to hit on you." Steve couldn't look me in the eyes. I always wonder what is going on in that head of his. "Sam, I've got to ask you something." At this he looked up into my eyes. He looked worried and scared like he was about to tell me something that could get him in trouble.

              I moved to sit next to him on his bed, "Steve you know you can ask me anything."

              "I always wondered why you stuck around with me. I was always bringing you down. I wasn't like those other guys that you could've gone steady with. You spent all your time with me instead of going with them. I mean you would even choose being with me over Bucky. I just don't understand why, I mean I'm nothing special. I'm just me, I'm just a scrawny kid from Brooklyn."

              I looked into his eyes and put my hand over his, "Because Steve you are worth ten of those men. You are better than any of them and I wouldn't want to spend time with anyone else. I mean Bucky is a good friend, but I don't feel the same way about him that I do about you."

              He looked confused when I said this like he wasn't expecting me to say anything positive about him. "What do you mean you don't feel the same way about Bucky that you do about me?"

              He was either oblivious or was trying to bait me to tell him that I had feelings for him. It didn't seem like Steve to try and pull it out of me though. He's so insecure in himself that he can't even imagine me having feelings for him and that made my stomach drop. I cared for him so much and wish that he could feel the same way about himself.

I squeezed his hand and took a depth breath, "Steve, I think you know what I mean. I have feelings for you. I have for a long time."

              He looked at me deep in the eyes, "I never thought that someone like you could like someone like me. I mean you're gorgeous and I'm just me." Then he said the words that I always hoped I'd hear him say, "I have feelings for you too."

              Before we could talk any further Dr.Erskine came in, "Good you're both here." He said with his thick German accent, "We should talk about your procedures tomorrow."

              So, I was right Steve was the other one receiving the serum. I was excited and nervous at the same time. The lump in my stomach growing as I thought about going to war with my best friend and maybe soon to be boyfriend. Dr. Erskine continued to talk to us about the procedure tomorrow before he told us to go to bed to be prepared. I went back to my barracks and laid in my bunk with a smile on my face. The words that I had been dying to say for so long and was so scared to say were finally out, and Steve felt the same way.

Please comment on what you like and what you think I could do better! Stay safe out there!