why we ever [oneshot]

why we ever

Hayley looked up at the clock, watching the seconds passed by, it all felt like hours. She hugged her knees tightly as she kept watching the clock with no intent to stop. She was submerged in her thoughts, the darkest thoughts she had in the longest time. She felt so stupid, it was the way she worded things she thought. She kept replaying what had happened a couple days ago in her head over and over, like a broken record. She wished she could just stop thinking. If she could stop thinking maybe she wouldn't have analyzed every single detail from what shoes she was wearing to the way his hair was styled that day.
Open your mouth
She didn't want to think about it anymore but she decided it was best to revisit what had happened a couple of days ago. About two days ago she went to Taylor's house, pacing back and forth on his front porch before Taylor opened the door, seeing a blonde girl walk up and down his porch just like he did when he was nervous. He opened the door and she turned her head over to his direction, she softly smiled as she saw Taylor's mouth open and form a smile.
"Hi," He smiled and motioned for her to come in.
"Hi," She smiled and headed inside his house, heading straight to the couch to sit.
Say something warm
She fiddled with her fingers and sat on the couch, not wanting to make eye contact as she sat across from him. He sat in his recliner and gazed over at her, admiring her beauty, he loved her eyes because to him they said a lot. When she was upset, he looked her in the eyes and he instantly knew something was wrong. However, he knew that today was a good day because her eyes were so warm and inviting, she didn't even have to tell him how she was feeling, he just knew.
"I think it's important to be honest, in the way I've been feeling. Life has always been chaotic but you bring some sort of kindness in my life. I feel warm when I'm with you, I think maybe this is the year that I start dating again. I don't want to just be your friend, I want to be your girlfriend," Hayley told him as his eyes widened towards the last sentence.
"I don't think...I just don't think we're ready for that. Are you sure? I just..." his eyes wandered off as his sentence trailed off into the dark void.
"I-I'm ready. I talked to my therapist today, we both agreed I'm ready," she assured him.
She was hoping for a better reaction but it was clear to her that she wasn't going to the reaction she had hoped for her. He looked at her and then at the floor before getting another glance at her.
"I can't do this, I'm sorry...it's just a lot to process," he sighed and got up.
I've spent awhile on the stranger side of your door
"I think you should go, I just uh...I'll call you," he opened his front door. She got up from the couch and headed outside, he had shut the door so fast on her she didn't have time to react. She didn't feel like she knew him, that reaction of his was so unexpected. She didn't know what she did wrong, did she scare him? She didn't know why he would be scared, they had talked about their feelings a week before. They both disclosed that they had romantic feelings towards one another but once she wanted to act on it, he shut her down. She sighed and closed her eyes as she stood outside his door, this whole thing was strange. He felt unfamiliar to her at this very moment, she was in a dazed state as she walked over to her car and drove home.
How do you sound?
The short car ride home all she could think about was his tone, was it a I'm sorry but I just don't like you or I'm sorry give me space type. She didn't know anything anymore it seemed like it. She felt so dumbfounded, she tried to nit pick every moment to even before he answered while she was nervous contemplating on even doing this.
What do you look like now? I try to replicate our movements in my mind
She wondered what was going on his head, she was
inquisitive about it. She knew she would never know that answer. Maybe he was distressed or relieved that she was gone so he could think. Truthfully, Taylor sat on the couch and tried to think about what he said, he didn't want to offend her. He was afraid of starting a relationship with someone who had been his friend for so long, what if he messed it up? When they had hung out before he didn't overthink the way he touched her or the way he put a protective arm around her as they browsed through the farmer's market on early saturday mornings. He felt bad, he should've been honest but he was so freaked out he couldn't think rationally.
Tin-can telephone from your home to my home
  Hayley went straight to her bed and drowned herself in her blankets. She wanted to suffocate herself to make her feel something. She stared at the tiny specks in the wall, forming constellations, anything to get her to stop thinking about him. The fact that Taylor was nearly minutes away from her, she could devise her own telephone made from tin cans and he would've able to grab the other side of it. However, despite the closeness they were miles apart from each other. Never ever in her life had she felt so distant towards Taylor. She didn't know what exactly he was thinking and it pained her because she wanted to know.
I can't feel your energy no more
She spent her current days, trying to stop thinking. She sat on her cold hardwood floor, drawing circles on the floor, mindlessly doing it without a goal. She was worried that she lost Taylor forever, she probably scared him. She thought about that for a bit before bursting into tears, she was afraid. Deeply afraid of abandonment, everyone left her. It scared her that her best friend would leave her too because of the way she felt. She was on the floor as Alf walked over to her. She hugged him tightly as rain started to pour outside. The rain came harder and louder, she didn't care. She felt numb. She heard the doorbell ring, sighing as she got up going to open the door.
A drenched Taylor stood in front of her.
"Taylor," She said and looked at him "I thought I scared you off."
He looked at her and held her face, "No. Never. I'm sorry for freaking you out. You threw a bomb at me. Hayley I love you. This is all I've ever wanted for a while."
She smiled softly, "Really?"
He nodded softly and looked at her, his eyes beaming at her. She smiled back at him and kissed him passionately, pulling him inside.
Darling, we ever can't seem to remember why
Taylor wrapped his arms around Hayley as they laid in bed, entangled with one another. She was fast asleep in his arms and there was not a greater comfort than being in the love of your life's arms. Hayley was content. She had always desired something more with him and as her divorce finalized with her ex husband, she began to see Taylor in a different light. Hayley smiled as Taylor turned his back to her, she drew circles on his back. The silence was comforting to her, not suffocating.
  "Why were you scared of admitting you liked me?" Hayley whispered and told him.
Taylor's breathing slowed down for a bit, he was thinking, trying to properly form an eloquent thought.
   "We have this dynamic and I love it. We've been friends for most of our lives and we've gone through so much. I don't want to hurt you like he hurt you. I never want to be the reason you cry at therapy. I just want to make me happy. I would be lying if these past couple of years I didn't feel anything."
  He turned over to look her in her eyes as he began to stroke her hair, softly smiling at her.
    "You, Hayley. You make me happy. Everyday with you is just amazing, it's perfect. We're such a perfect balance of each other. I was scared to hurt you but if we do this, it's till the end of time."
  She smiled softly and planted a kiss on his lips, "We're going to be together till the end of time babe. You're it for me. I don't want anyone else in this world, I just want you."
   He held her tightly, "I can't seem to remember why we ever scared....Never be scared of again to tell me anything ever again. We can't live like that and I hope you just tell me how you feel every so often."
Hayley heard the rain pour down outside, lighting struck and she looked at Taylor. She was at peace with the world.
  She looked at him, "I have something I want to tell you Taylor."
   "What is it?" He asked her.
"Taylor York, I'm in love with you," She smiled softly at him.
   "Oh, Guess what?" Taylor asked Hayley
    "What?"
     "One day, we're going to get married Hayley. Mark my words. You're it for me babe."
——————————————————————
  "So you see Lilah, that's why you should always tell someone how you feel. You never know where it will take you," an older Hayley told her granddaughter as they drank tea at Hayley's house.
    "Because I'll miss my shot?"
Hayley chuckled and shook her head, "No because you'll never get to see what life would be if you just told people how you really felt. Love is a risk but it's well worth it. Look at me, I wasn't happy until my 30's and now at 80, I can say that the past fifty years have been bliss. It's all because of your grandpa, Taylor. He showed me real love sweetheart. A pure love. That's hard to find but I realized I did deserve him. I loved our life together. Just tell the girl how you feel sweetheart. You've been friends for a long time, you know I think she might like you too. Your grandpa acted the same way when we were teens."
   Hayley always spoke so fondly of Taylor.
  "Do you think grandpa would approve of me?"
Hayley smiled softly and grabbed Lilah's hand, "Honey you know he would've told you to get the girl."
   "Do you miss him?"
Hayley nodded softly and fought back tears, "I miss him everyday, he was the love of my life. He will always be the love of my life."