Saving Carter

Raining, Song, and Cam?

I’m Friends with The Monster under my Bed get along with the Voices inside of my head. ~The Monster

You try escaping your Nightmares but they always catch up with you in the meantime. ~Anonymous

~*~

Just listening to the pitter patter of the rain dropping on the window sets my mind at ease and at a calming state. The rain was a very rare thing for sunny California and whenever it comes it always sets me at ease weather it was raindrops falling or the lighting booming in the sky whatever it was, was calming. I Think storms calm me down because I feel like I am the storm and I am letting all of my anger out and I am the sky screaming letting it all out and not stuck hiding it. I know. Odd. Somehow thats what I think. I am sitting in my bedroom on a window sit with my sweater covered hand drinking Hot chocolate with my knees up against my chest. I close my eyes and then I hear a loud BOOM!. I run downstairs and see my older brother Zeke with pans and pots scattered everywhere in the kitchen. Zeke looks at me and gives me a sly apologetic smile. “Hey Carter.” He says looking at me scared and disappointed that he interrupted my calm state he is the only one that knows storms calm me down. “Hey Zeke. What happened in here?” I ask
“Oh Pshh” he says rolling his eyes. “I was trying to cook one of my sisters favorite meals.” He says looking at me. I look at him and put my head down. I remember one time Joshua surprised me with breakfast in bed and said it was his version of ‘THE BESTEST CHICKEN AND NOODLE SOUP IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD AND GALAXY’ as he put it and honestly it was the best thing I ever put in my mouth. He was the one who could cook in the family -except for the chiefs- and that day on a made up holiday that my little brother and older brother made up called Carter’s Day! Chicken Noodle soup became my favorite meal and know I can’t stand the thought of eating it. Knowing I can’t share it with Joshua. Knowing he isn’t going to eat it with me and then after words start a soup fight. I give a small smile at the thought but quickly shaking it off knowing I have no right to smile anymore. Joshua is gone because of me because when my mother said that then my father I finally believed them and everyday I kept thinking I should’ve done better and tried harder and I should’ve risk my life for his cause he was more important. I quickly get out of my frozen haze and storm out of the Kitchen and head to my room.

~*~

A couple of hours later I decided not to keep my emotions in and I write down song lyrics I made up in my head and grab my old Guitar and started singing:

You've got my attention There's no need to hurt myself this way I think no one will notice I’m feeling When I cry myself to sleep

I feel stuck on the outside looking inside Wishing this life wasn't my life And I think I’m damaged way beyond repair Well I’m not so far that I can't get to where you are

At first I started strumming the guitar chords and humm and start singing my depressed little heart out.
I wish I were someone else Every night I fall to pieces Knowing I can't save myself I can see you, I can hear you There's a place where the broken go There's a room full of second chances I’m not stranded on your own I’m not invisible

You’re ready to listen There's no need to hold it all inside The smallest whisper You hear it when my strength has all but died

You need me to believe you, can I trust you That what I see, is not what you see The reflection in the mirror's telling lies Cause nothing you have done could change how much I loved you

I stop there because that is how far I got and It was true without Joshua I am nothing I put my guitar down and pick up Mr.Snuggles.

~*~

Its almost Christmas. I love Christmas but it won’t be the same without Joshua. I miss him so much. I get out of bed and start getting ready. I put on white skinny jeans, a turquoise blouse with a bow in the middle, sandals, pearl earrings, and the locket Joshua got me for my Birthday, the last thing he ever gave me. I clasp my hand over the Locket and close my eyes. After I open my eyes I let out a sigh and open the locket it is a picture of me and Joshua. I close the locket before the waterworks start and head down stairs. I pick up my bookbag and put some toast in the toaster after the toast is done I take it out and eat it on my way out the door I put my jean Jacket on before heading out. I leave and jump into my car and throw my bookbag on the passenger side of the car. Putting the key in the ignition I hear the car coming to life. I put the car in reverse and slowly back out of the house and but the car in drive. I arrive at school and spot Cameron next to his car on his phone. As if he noticed my gaze he looked up and waved me over. I ran over to him and he pulled me into a friendly hug. As I pull away I see him smiling like Cheshire the cat from Alice in Wonderland. We walk into the school I just take my phone and put in my earbuds and listen to Black Space by Taylor Swift. I start humming the lyrics. I walk around with my head down low not wanting to look at anyone else. I go into Mr. Newman’s classroom. As always I head to the back of the class and listen to my music until its time for class to start. I sit there Listening to my music when someone slips beside me. “Hello Ms.Reynolds” I take put my earbuds and turn to my left and see no other than Cameron.
“Hey Mr.Ryan what do I not owe you for disturbing me while rocking out to my music?” I ask him.

“I was going to tell you Mr. Newman said find a partner.” He tells me. Wow I was so entranced in my music I didn’t realise that the teacher said to find a partner. “So you wanna be Partners?” He asks.

“Sure. Why not?What are we doing?” I ask “We are doing a project on what loss is.” He tells me. 

“Loss?” I want him to be more pacific

“Yea. Like Losing a loved one or something/someone important to you.”

“So what do we have to write about the pain of loss.”

“Just answer a few questions.” he shrugs his shoulder like it is no big deal. He can't tell but on the inside I am freaking out. I. Have. To. Write. About. How. I. Lost. Joshua. oh goody this is going to marvelous. Note sarcasm.

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 Please go to Cameron and I's instagram @AbbieAbbzy and @Camerunparker and my twitter @AbbzyAbbie also our youtube account GreenEyed Girls. My own personal one RainbowSkittlesz, i will post videos in the fall near my bday!