Miss Park

I'm Sorry, Miss!

"I'm sorry, Miss! But visiting hours are over. I can't let you in to see her"

The male nurse stood at the doorway to the ward that Lisa had been taken after her surgery. His arms were folded over his chest, refusing to let me past.

When I had found out she'd survived the surgery, I cried. I cried until I couldn't cry anymore. I was so close to loosing her. I don't know how I could have survived if she had died.

She had woken up this morning. Jisoo said I was the first person that she asked for. And now that Mrs Manoban had gone home for the night so she can get some sleep, it's my chance to see her.

"Please! I need to see her! I won't get another chance to see her please?!" I had been begging for at least 5 minutes straight. The man refusing everything that I threw at him. Even when tears of desperation fell from my eyes, he did not budge.

"I'm sorry, Miss. I wish there was something I could do! But it's almost 1 am!"

"Can you just go to her room and see if she's awake? If she says I can come in, can I? I just want to stand at the door and look at her! Anything?!" I probably looked so stupid right now, other nurses had stopped to watch the scene that I was causing in the middle of the hall.

"What is your relationship with the patient?" Fuck. This was good.

"I'm her girlfriend... I need to know that she's okay... please?!" His eyes widened at the word 'girlfriend'. God please don't be homophobic.

"I'll go and see if she's awake, okay? If she's not, I can't let you in." He grips my shoulder lightly and squeezes it reassuringly, my eyes fill up with tears and I watch him walk away.

Did Lisa even want to see me? Or did she blame me for this as well?

"Miss, you can come in!"

I can feel my heartbeat, every single pound in my chest is painful. My heart beating only for the girl a few rooms away. I couldn't do it. I couldn't look into her eyes knowing I was the reason that she was in so much pain. But, I have to see her.

I round the corner to her room and my heart stops completely, the world around me falling silent when I finally see her. Her tired features, her bloodshot red eyes that clashes with the deep brown, her hair all rough and tangled, her hospital gown that was sporting one or two small blood stains. She looked so different... I barely recognised her. But, the second she broke into a small, tired smile and spread her arms as best she could, I melted.

"Come here, baby." Even her voice was different, deep and croaky. Her words were so broken, but I could make them out without too much trouble. I approach the bed slowly, still taking in the girls unrecognisable appearance.

"I'm so sorry..." My chin trembled like a child who was about to cry. I did this to her. I almost killed the person that I love more than love itself.

"Come here, Rosie" She reaches for my hand and clutches onto it. Her ice cold fingers were enough to make me break. I lost myself, unraveling at her slightest touch.

I fell forwards into her arms, letting her hold me after what felt a lifetime. The 7 weeks of isolated pain were nothing compared to what it felt like to actually almost loose her.

The tears roll down my face and soak into the purple gown, Lisa holding onto me as hard as her weak arms could. I sob into her shoulder clutching hard at her arm, but also being careful not to hurt the wound just below her heart.

"I don't ever want you think that you caused any of this. Okay?" She squeezed me and whispers directly into my ear. I want to respond but all I can do is nod. "I love you"

"I t-thought I l-lost y-you" I hiccup between almost every word, my crying getting in the way of my speech. "Please d-don't leave m-me" I don't know what I was saying to be honest, but I couldn't bear even the thought of Lisa not being in my life.

"Shhh baby I'm not going anywhere!" She whispers into my neck, her breathing shaky. "I'm right here, love."

She pulls back the blankets in her bed and I slide in, still clutching onto her. I don't care if visiting hours are over, I'm not moving. Her delicate arms wrap around me and I cuddle into her side, there's not enough strength inside of me to let her go.

"I love you too" I finally say, no hiccups or pauses. My voice quiet but relieved.

"Sleep, baby. I know that you haven't slept in a while."

I close my eyes and listen to her heartbeat, something so small that shows she's still here. Still alive and still in love with me as much as I am with her. Her body is a complete contrast to her hands, it's warm and soft. It's not her usual smell of vanilla, but the smell of alcohol wipes, hospital, and the faint smell of blood. But it's still Lisa.

She kisses my forehead one last time and after only a short time, I can feel myself drifting off.