What If...

1: Fresh Start

Have you ever felt empty or have that sense of regret from your past actions?

I have been feeling this emptiness and regret for the past weeks.

During that time, I always ponder on how I am living my life. Have I lived it like how I wanted it to be or is there something that I should have done? I'm always haunted of flashbacks of my youth, especially during my high school days. Although I recall the details vaguely, I always look back at those moments which I felt were the happiest points in my life.

As I was taking a shower, I had these recollections of me in my campus having a good look at my surroundings: from my classroom filled with students talking nonsense, to seeing my teachers discussing certain issues with their colleagues, to girls from other sections giggling about their latest crushes, and to fellow pupils training at their respective varsity teams.

Even as I head out of my shower, I begin to see myself in the mirror looking like how I was when I was 16. I look at myself as that fairly slim guy with short yet full black hair and beady eyes, trying to tell me of how happy I was back then. Then as the steam from the shower subsided, I began to see myself now: matured (yet looking younger than my contemporaries), evidenced by a few wrinkles and creases on my face; a ripped body compared to my slender build when I was younger; and some streaks of silver along my sideburns. I used to hide this by growing my hair long, but it still shows, proving that I cannot hide my age.

Just looking at myself in my current state, I begin to ponder: Where have I gone amiss?

As I was thinking deeply, someone suddenly tucked her arms around me and started to give me sweet pecks on my neck and shoulder, while holding on to my dog tag hanging around my neck. It was my wife Lolit, and I felt that she might be worried about me.

   "Kenneth, my Love, it's just the start of the day and you have that poignant look all over your face. Is there anything that bothers you?" Lolit asked in a sweet and caring voice.
   "This is nothing, Dove. I may be overthinking matters again. Don't worry about me," I replied as I assured her that I am 'okay' at the moment. I slowly looked back at her and kissed the wedding ring on her hand.
   "You worry too much, Love. Don't start your day with that gloomy outlook. Cheer up, you have me and your kids. Come, I prepared breakfast and the boys are waiting for you downstairs. So better get dressed and see you at our breakfast nook," answered Lolit as she gave me a smack on my cheek and headed to check on our food and the boys.

Who wouldn't feel good with a wife like Lolit? Her sweet and nurturing demeanor complements her timeless beauty: long waves of dark brown locks that goes well with her fair complexion and oval face, dark almond eyes accented by her long eyelashes and well-defined brows, dainty nose and pink cupid lips. I love the way I feel her slim and gentle body as I hug her at times.

After getting dressed for work, I headed immediately to our breakfast nook. Compared to our formal dining room, this is a round table just near the pantry of our kitchen so that we can have a candid and intimate time with family as we start our day.

The two boys, wearing their school uniform composed of an old rose collared shirt and dark blue pants, were already at the table waiting for their breakfast to be served by their mom.

Tristan, the eldest, got his looks and personality from me. We have the same large yet piercing eyes, strong looking nose, and sharp lips. He even have my cleft chin. Like me, he got this aggressive and headstrong personality; yet he is also very protective and caring, especially to his younger brother.

Casper, the youngest, has a strong resemblance to his mother. He got this sweet beady eyes, soft pointed nose and cupid lips. He also have the sweet and gentle-mannered traits of his mother.