Library Books

A Goblin Lives in my Dirty Laundry (1)

I glared at the goblin perched on a shelf behind my receiving desk. The little creature shoved a finger in its nose. It pulled the digit out and wiped snot on the page of a book I had yet to file. It smiled at me. Smiled? It bared its teeth in that way that small children did when you tell then to smile, and they just know the basic mechanics of the action.

In the distance, thunder rumbled in the belly of the library. The building, a building as much and only the inside of a building could be, had surprisingly strong feelings about things like respect and order. As much as the inside of a magical building-cum-prison could have feelings.

The goblin swiped snot on another page and lightning whipped through the stacks with a crack.

"You're going to die a painful death, little buddy," I warned the thing, "One way or another." I went to the kitchenette and checked a coffee mug for any signs my new roommate had touched it first. Just in case, I gave it a rinse.

I had when the goblin first infested my home. The antics might have started small and without retaliation, escalated to more bold and flagrant abuse. It was also possible that the ambitious little shit showed up swinging for the fences.

My assumption was that he got into a shipment and let himself out while I was working... or procrastinating. From there, he proceeded to wreak havoc and spread his bodily fluids all over my personal space.

He... it? I cast a disdainful glance at the creature with a finger in his nose and a hand in his tattered trousers. With a deep breath, I tried to stem my rage, thinking back to my ruined socks and underpants. He. Definitely a 'he.'

He was smart enough to keep his nonsense and chaos out of the stacks or artifact storage area. The library was far less forgiving when crossed.

The library's short temper was probably what triggered a visit from the guards.

I knew the library monitored me, but I didn't realize it had enforcement staff. Maybe I did. That may have been another thing I forgot. I pulled out my pocket-sized notebook and wrote down a reminder about the real-life, living sentinels.

A surly wall of muscle, just over six feet tall and two men wide, entered my waiting area. A waiting area that updated itself over time but always ended up with no guests to greet that weren't descendants of the building's original dust bunnies.

The guards, a set of walking opposites, came by this morning to investigate "the recent situation." The darker, shorter one tucked away an elaborate, looming set of glowing white wings when he crossed from the darkness of the void into the library's entrance. The taller, Roman statuesque one, shifted his entirely black eyes to more approachable and human-looking eyes with a nearly black iris. His solid, coal and ember horns retracted into little, pointed bulges on his forehead with short, swirling horns of fire extending in front of him.

"You've come to address that thing?" I asked, gesturing over my shoulder at the creature with his pants around his ankles, thrusting his hips into a long-dead potted plant.

"Ehh," the one with the wings tattooed in raised metallic filigree on his back, shoulders, and arms and armor-like an apron sighed. "We've come to address the library's complaint about..." He pursed his lips and looked up at nothing as though searching for words.

The one with horns made of flames and a body that looked sculpted from granite waved a hand at his comrade. "We were sent to tell you to get it together because your situation is causing a disturbance."

"Okay. Quick question: What the actual fuck? Also, on a related note: Are you fucking kidding me?"

Sure, I was the one who grabbed the goblin by the hair and punted him into the stacks after I found him hiding in the toilet. Not sure what his goal was when he placed himself in the toilet. I was one-hundred percent sure I do not want to know. However, this situation was not mine to control. It was an infestation.