San X Suicidal Reader

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[Trigger Warning: Suicide, Depression, Abuse]

{Reader POV}

My heart raced. My legs shaking. My lungs constricting.

"12!" Two voices shouted out. One my own. My pupils shrunk. Laughs filled the room. My eyes meet the Korean Idol's who wasn't crouched down before. AHHHH SAN! WHY! My nose scrunches and my muscles flex. I'm picked up by the girls next to me and pushed to the middle of the circle. I shuffle forward with an awkward smile. He meets me halfway and reaches his hand out. I swipe my hand on my pant leg to get rid of the cumulative sweat and shake his hand.

"I'm (Y/N)," I say with a slight bow of my head.

San rests his other hand on top of mine, "Nice to meet you," he smiles. Though I was nervous, I wanted to join the group of people who did their own thing and not the choreography. Being a dancer and gymnast would really help me stand out. We step apart to give each other room. I make sure there is plenty of space. My heart races. The only things I love in life, dance and ATEEZ. This will be fun.

The music rings out through the air. I quickly recognize the song and freestyle. "HAKUNA" I set up. "MATATA" I chaine turn land in fifth position. "YA" My legs snap apart into a well practiced Firebird. Gasps fill the air. I land and start grooving around. My body snakes and my hips twist. "더더더 밀려와 더" I do a double coupe turn into a fan kick land in a lunge. My feet slide back together and go back into a slow, controlled walk over. "HAKUNA MATATA" My legs switch mid air and I land smoothly. I slight sting welcomes them and I just groove to the rest of the chorus. I stop as the music fades. And everyone freaks out. San and the rest of ATEEZ look dumbfounded. But, start going crazy right afterward. The feeling I get is a whole new high.

"THAT WAS AMAZING!" San yells jumping around like crazy.

"Thank you," I laugh and head back to my place in the circle. Many other Atinys praise me on the way back and I can hear rushed Korean in the background. We start back up again and the incident is soon forgotten in a fit of laughter from other Atinys dancing with ATEEZ. I'm having the time of my life until I glance at my watch while sitting. 10:23 P.M. My breath hitches. Damn it. He's going to be furious. Hopefully, he is not too mad this should end soon.

"74." My fingers fidget at my black turtle neck long sleeve as I can't hope for this to go faster. My eyes flick around until... WE MISCOUNTED. We are going to have to redo it. I signed up and can't leave in the middle. I chew at my cheek. Hand fumbling with my (h/c) hair. We get to the end.

"82!" I mumble while everyone else yells. Voices become distant and I sort of just stand there. I dissociate and sort of just stand there. How is he going to react? How mad is he? Is he even home yet?

I jump out of my skin when a finger taps my leg. I glance down and the friendly pink haired girl next to me whispers, "Say 78." I look up and everyone is staring at me. Almost everyone is sat down.

"78," comes out a weird choked yelled as I plop to the ground and slid back to cut myself from the view of most. I glance up and find ATEEZ staring at me with worried eyes, I smile and look away quickly switching back. My eyes flick to my watch, 11:34 P.M. I almost let out a choked sob of fear. Laughs fill the air and an 82 is soon heard and the room cheers. Everything fades by as we are pushed around into different formations for pictures. I become robotic and smile when necessary.

"You can now leave, but if you want pictures..." the rest is unheard to me as I rush out to grab my bag and head home. Once out the door, my feet fall into a dead run. Eyes of employees look confused. Who would leave such an event so soon and rushed? My shins and feet ache from the strikes of the hard asphalt. My eyes flick to my watch, 12:02. Tears fill my eyes. The moon creating a gleam in the tears. I reach a door to the house of my daily nightmare. I unlock it to creep inside. I lightly walk across the floor, lights off, and I sigh in relief.

You've reached the end of published parts.

⏰ Last updated: Jun 25, 2020 ⏰

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