A Simple Switch

1 - Turkey Knowledge Dump

DYLAN

I was never really bothered by being alone. It's not like I wanted to be, but I just was. I didn't think about it too much either. I always saw falling in love, getting married, and having kids, as those sort of things that were just supposed to happen. Eventually. In the far future of course, because it certainly wasn't happening now. While all my peers were out partying, getting wasted and getting girls, I always just kind of there: content, and alone.

Now I sound depressing don't I. Well before you dismiss me as a lunatic, hermit, or mental patient, you should know some things about me. My name is Dylan Matthews. I am 18 years old. I recently moved from last town outside of Chicago, Illinois, to Sacramento, California, and I am a senior at James Polk High School. Blah, blah, blah. All the boring stuff. What you really need to understand is this: I am NOT "cool." In any shape or form. I am an avid Star Trek fan (NOT the new movies with Chris Pine in them. Please.), a comic book enthusiast, and bookworm. Aside from that, my two favorite hobbies would have to be studying ESPN stats and playing FIFA on the Xbox. To make things worse: I only had two real friends, too. One of which was my brother.

I have two siblings. Half siblings, really. My seven year old sister Skyler, and my brother Collin. He's about two and half years older than me, but I always saw him more as a best friend than a brother. My other friend was my good buddy Jamil, who I met on my "rec" league soccer team last spring. We've lived here for a good 9 months and I've only managed to make one friend outside of my family. And you probably thought I sounded pathetic before. But everything can change. It all started over Thanksgiving break.

The hum of the antique chandelier's lights sounded impossibly loud as I stared blankly at my Calculus text book. I gripped my hair in frustration. Usually math class was a breeze for me, and I could finish assignments without hardly blinking an eye, but today I wasn't having it. It was like my brain was clogged. I finally shut my textbook in defeat, and tried to refocus myself in attempt to block out the sound of the nearly broken light fixture.

I heard muffled footsteps and giggling coming from upstairs.

Oh right, I forgot. Collin's home, and has company, evidently. Collin, who just got home for break yesterday, is a junior at Sacramento State University, and was accepted on a football scholarship. My mother took my sister out to buy flour for the pies they would make, so I thought I had our small little townhouse to myself, at least for a while.

The footsteps got louder until I could see the two make their way down the stairs.

"You're so cuuute," the blond girl crooned between kisses.

"Mhm," Collin responded neutrally, subtly trying to coax her toward the door.

They only made it to the bottom of the steps, where they stopped to continue their make out session. Maybe the most awkward 12 minutes of my life.

Collin finally managed to get her to the door.

"Bye babe," she said on her way out, drawing out the 'e' in bye. Collin just smiled and waved, as he shut the door behind her.

"Phew," he murmured, as he leaned back on the door in exasperation.

"How do you get girls?" I asked suddenly.

He looked up, confused. "Hey, didn't see you there."

"How do you get girls?" I repeated more slowly.

"I don't know what you mean," he replied.

"I mean how? You bring home a different girl every time. I mean they'd practically fight for you! How do you do it?"

Collin walked over to the table where I sat. "You've got to be confident. Simple as that," he said with a smirk on his face.

"No dude, I'm serious."

"Yeah and so am I!" He was full-out grinning now. "Simple as that," he repeated, with a pause after each word.

"C'mon Collin, you know everyone hates those douchey guys that hit on everything that breathes. And I don't think I could be that guy even if I wanted to be," I said, terrified at the thought of putting up that much gusto.

"But you can. All you've got to do is have the attitude of a tool; you don't have to be one," he reasoned.

I decided that this was more confusing than my math homework.

"Look, every human being out there has this tiny biological switch in their brain: a simple little switch. When you decide to flip it, your speaking filter just disappears. No more thinking. Just confidence," he explained passionately.

"Oh yeah? And where'd you hear this? Pornhub doesn't count as a reliable source," I retorted.

"I saw it in a magazine," he said defensively. "But trust me, it works."

I was still unsure. I could only imagine all of the ways that things could turn out badly.

"I know you, Dylan. You think too much," he reasoned. "If you'd just stop overanalyzing for a MINUTE, and just be that dope ass kid I know you are, girls would be all over you."

"Are you sure about this?" I asked doubtfully.

"100%," he said confidently, before giving me a pat on the back one last time and heading up stairs.

"Thanks, man," I shouted to his retreating figure. "I'm glad you're home."

If Collin said this would work, I might as well believe him. It's not like I had much to lose anyway.