Beautiful Feeling

"You were Beautiful" ; minghao

"Okay, baby, now look at the camera and say 'Hi Mom!'"

Minghao smiled from ear to ear as his 5-year-old daughter brought her spoon down and smiled toothily at the camera, "Hi Mom!"

He was videotaping another adventure with his little girl, just so they can all watch it with his wife at the end of the day. He also wants to boast how he and their daughter are so much alike, wanting to annoy her mother the most whenever he says that all Mina got from her was her looks.

"Now, how did you like the food?" Minghao asked.

He can't help but giggle at the sight of his little girl munching on her xiao long bao while thinking about what to say, "Hmm, I think it's alright, but the one where we went to last summer with Mommy was the best."

Minghao gasped and held out his hand to high-five his little girl, "You're absolutely right, Mina! Did you hear that, love? Our daughter is only five years old and she already got taste!"

After filming Mina for a while, Minghao decided to put down his camera and continued to eat. After eating, they both decided to return home. And as Minghao was starting the car, his daughter tried to catch his attention.

"Dad. . ."

"Yes, baby?"

"Can you play some songs?"

Minghao smiled. No matter how much he denies it, they really are similar, Mina and her mom. She used to ask the same question when they were having road trips, and even though Minghao liked to drive silently, as he's in love with her, he always lets her get her music.

"Of course Mina." Minghao said and giggled when Mina started jumping up and down from her seat when the music played.

"Baby, do you know who sang this?" Minghao asked, and when Mina shook her head, Minghao smiled at her from the rearview mirror.

"It's one of your mom's songs."

Mina gasped so cutely that Minghao can't help but giggle again. "Really?! Another one?! Mom's so cool! She writes such great songs!"

Minghao laughed at the reaction of his little girl. He knows.

The memory came back to him almost instantly, how his wife will always sing him her songs to sleep. How she will ignore him whenever she is writing another one. How even after Mina was born, she's still writing more and more.

And Minghao loved her for that.

"I just wish she could've written more though. . ." Mina said.

Minghao just smiled as he focused on the road.

Me too, Mina. . . I wish for that too.

_____

"Hi, Mom!" Mina said at her mother's smiling face, "You wouldn't believe what Dad and I did today! He took me to an art gallery and showed me some amazing stuff."

Minghao just listened to his daughter blabbing on and on about their day to her mom. And he just chuckled because of how cute his daughter is being, and how much she looked like you when you were so excited to tell Minghao about your day.

"Our daughter is beautiful isn't she?" Minghao asked, and Mina just cuddled his arms.

"I miss you, Mom. We miss you so much. Dad tells me he's okay now, but I know he will never be, as long as you're not here with us. But don't worry, I'm always here for him. You can count on me, Mom."

And Minghao can't help but tear up a bit when he heard those words come out of his daughter's mouth. For a five-year-old kid, Mina is pretty outspoken, and brave, and strong, and Minghao is so proud of her for that.

Minghao is proud of the times when Mina understood him whenever he comes home drunk, so proud of the times when Mina stood up for him in front of Soonyoung, who's scolding him for not getting his shit together after his wife died.

He's so proud, but also so ashamed of himself.

He's lucky to have Mina as his daughter. Without her, he doesn't even know where he'll be right now.

"Mina, I want you to listen to me." Minghao suddenly said.

Mina is still young, and she obviously doesn't deserve to be motherless at such a young age, that's why Minghao doesn't want her to always worry for him. He wants Mina to act like other kids --- to have fun, to demand things that she wants, to bother Minghao for a toy. She doesn't want her kid to grow up so soon, especially now that she's still so young.

She should be enjoying her youth, not looking out for Minghao. It should be the other way around.

"I'm okay now, okay? Your mom is. . . she's one of a kind. And she's so loving, and affectionate, and she cares about you so much. She doesn't want you to worry. So don't worry about me, okay? I got my. . . myself together now. I try my best to be a good father, and I hope you're happy because right now, I am. As long as you're with me. Okay?" Minghao said and hugged her, "Daddy's not gonna leave."

Minghao felt his shirt getting soaked by Mina's tears, and he's almost shocked that she cried. Mina never cried for years, it was always Minghao who cries. Mina's been his foundation when it should be the other way around. Sometimes, he even forgets that she's still a child.

"I'm sorry, Dad."

"No, don't be sorry, okay?"

Ever since Mina knew about the reason why her Mom died, she tried very hard to help Minghao in every possible way. She was guilty, and after he came to his senses, he tried telling Mina to stop feeling guilty. A child shouldn't have to go through this. It was not Mina's fault that even before she's born, her mother is gravely ill. It was not Mina's fault that her mother decided not to go for an abortion.

Minghao still remembers her words, 'Leaving is inevitable for me, Minghao, you know it is. So the least I can do is give you someone to take care of you when I'm gone. So you won't be lonely. And that you'll learn to love again just like how you loved me.'

After her death, Minghao was so devastated that he wished he could turn back time to stop her from giving birth. But now, he just felt so ashamed for even thinking that. Mina is not and will never be a mistake.

"Look at Mom smiling at us, you shouldn't say that, okay? Mom loves you, I love you." Minghao said as he held out the picture frame of his wife smiling, the one Mina was talking with a while ago.

Mina just nodded and hugged him, "I love you, Dad."

Minghao kissed her forehead, "I love you too, Mina."

And they spent another few minutes hugging and talking to the frame like a bunch of idiots. But what can they do?

Mina took the picture frame from Minghao's hands, "Mom is really beautiful. I'm even surprised that she chose you."

They both laughed at Mina's joke to lighten up the mood.

"She was." Minghao smiled.

And somehow, even though their windows are closed, they both felt the wind brushing their skins, a chill running up their spine.

Minghao smiled even wider and looked at the frame again, where her smiling face can be seen, a preserved memory of her youth and life.

'You were.'