Dazzling Dust

Secrets

As I entered my hut, the episode of what happened half an hour ago flashes back to my mind, the running and heavy feeling. The fatigue and secrets.

I was so exhausted by today's work. I don't feel like having dinner. I just want to sleep.

I changed to a lighter clothing and reach the bed. I lie down. Moving and adjusting every now and then to find a comfortable position.

With the sound of the wind and the recurring loud noise of the crickets, I let the thoughts race through my mind. Staring in the ceiling and tracing the cracks of the wall, I try my best to convince myself not to be sad and afraid and weak and bitter when that time comes.

I don't want to be alone. His and Miguel's existence is the sole reason why I am excited to wake up every morning. Why I am thrilled to finish the work in the Greens. I love them. I just want to be with them all the time. With him. To face the harsh world and live those hard days with all our might. To celebrate the little moments of full stomach and flavored drinks. With them.

But with the conversation I had with him earlier this night, it's just not possible for those moments to repeat. He has a woman now, Claire. The name which will cause me to be alone and lonely again.

Maybe I can still be with them, Lorenzo and Miguel. After all, they treat me just like a family.

No. It's not right. It will just cause a problem to their relationship and I will be the cause of it.

I want him to be happy. I will support him in whatever way I can.

But I will surely miss the days of hunting and nights of bonfire.

I chose to surrender with my heavy eyes and decided to just sleep this feeling away.

I need to meet this Claire.

----

The sun is already up when I was awakened by the warm weather.

I got a goodnight's sleep. A lie.

Today is Friday which means no work for us Growers. I get up from bed to wash my face.

Jealous. That is the word that flashed in my brain as the cold water touches my face.

Am I jealous? I asked myself.

Why would I be jealous? That's the right question.

I pat dry my face with a piece of cloth. It's good to feel fresh.

I went under my bed to get some pieces of woods.

I arrange the woods and prepare the pan. I decided to go on with two eggs. I started striking a pair of matches but no luck. The wind blew incredibly strong despite the warm weather.

"How do you plan on spending your Friday morning, Laura?", I miss this voice.

I look around and my eyes immediately spotted Miguel. He is carrying a pot, smiling wide, the ends of his lips nearly reached his ears. And behind him is Lorenzo who is also chuckling.

"Well, little St. John, I am planning to have a peaceful breakfast", I said as I put down the matches that I was holding.

"And I am grateful to you because now, it seems to be impossible", I joked as I stood up.

"Sorry to spoil your perfect Friday Ms. Fields", Lorenzo said while pretending to take off his imaginary hat and showing his bright smile.

"No apology accepted unless I enjoyed what food is in that pot", I said, pointing to the pot Miguel is carrying.