Giving Up (TanZen)

Zenitsu

     Zenitsu loved Tanjirou. The blond boy always had. Ever since the first time Zenitsu heard him. It was really just a normal day for Zenitsu at that time. In order to escape the taunting snickering and glares people would direct at him, he would always climb up the stairs to the rooftop. Only few people ever came to the rooftop. It was even more empty now as the weather was rather chilly. Inhaling in the cold air, Zenitsu sat down to lean against the railings of the rooftop. It was peaceful for a moment. The gentle breeze caressed Zenitsu's face soothingly, and the songs the birds would sing comforted Zenitsu's ears. 

     He closed his eyes, enjoying the soothing melody that nature made. He smiled a bit. And that was when Zenitsu heard it. A sound so gentle and kind it almost mad Zenitsu cry. He focused on that single melody and that melody only. Blocking out everything else. It was so beautiful. Zenitsu could probably listen to it for days.

     Zenitsu listened, not noticing the sound get louder and closer. Zenitsu was surprised by the rooftop door opening. There stood a boy around the same age as him. His red hair slicked back with a big scar on his forehead adorning his face. His eyes a gentle shade of red. And finally, that beautiful melody to top it all off. Zenitsu blushed looking away from the redhead after he realized that he was staring. 

     Zenitsu was more than shocked when the redhead suddenly sat down next to him. "Hi, I'm Kamado Tanjirou!" Kamado introduced, smiling kindly at Zenitsu. "U-um, I'm Agatsuma Zenitsu." Zenitsu stuttered out, smiling back a little. "It's very nice to meet you." Kamado added. "It's nice to meet you too, Kamado." Zenitsu replied. "Just call me Tanjirou." Tanjirou insisted, still with a smile on his face. Zenitsu was confused with the redhead's intention on why he was even talking to Zenitsu of all people, but even when Zenitsu listened, he couldn't find any trace of malice in the others sound. And so, Zenitsu responded, with a happy smile on his face, "Then call me Zenitsu. Let's be friends, Tanjirou." 

     At that time, Zenitsu didn't know it yet. But he was already in love.

     A few months after he and Tanjirou became friends, he finally realized that he was in love with the kind redhead. He finally knew why every time he would see Tanjirou, his heartbeat would quicken like he just ran a marathon. He finally knew why whenever Tanjirou looked at him he would get flustered and would shield his face. He finally knew. And he wanted to tell Tanjirou. But he wouldn't. 

     I mean, let's face it. Who would like a pathetic coward like him? All Zenitsu ever did was cry and whine. He wasn't attractive at all either. His grades were just average. There wasn't anything special or likable about him.

     So pathetic.

     And yet, he still had a small spark of hope that Tanjirou might like him back. He becomes more and more hopeful whenever he hears the rapid heartbeat of Tanjirou when they were together. He becomes more and more hopeful when Tanjirou's face becomes a deep shade of red when they touched or got close.

     Zenitsu made up his mind. He would confess. He would confess in the rooftop. The rooftop where they first met and became friends. He would do it. He was determined. Once Zenitsu finally built up enough courage, he opened the rooftop door, expecting to see Tanjirou to be there, as usual, waiting for him. Except that Tanjirou wasn't alone. He was with Kanao. Zenitsu tried to listen to what they were talking about, but he couldn't. He couldn't focus at all. All he could focus on was Tanjirou. How Tanjirou's heartbeat was too fast, even faster when they were together. How Tanjirou's face was burning red in embarrassment. How Tanjirou's melody was now a warm and happy sound, but the lovely melody playing from Tanjirou wasn't for Zenitsu. 

     Zenitsu's heart had been crushed to shard's.

     He gave up for good. He shouldn't have been so hopeful. Maybe then, he wouldn't have gotten hurt from the scene he just saw. Zenitsu ran. He didn't know where and he didn't care where. He just wanted to get away from the almost taunting sound coming from Tanjirou. His vision began to blur with his tears. He bit back a sob, running out of the school, ignoring the shouts of his teacher to stop, but he didn't. He just wanted to get away from that melody. That melody that came from Tanjirou.

     When Zenitsu came to, he was at a park. Panting, he walked to a nearby bench he saw and sat down. Zenitsu sobbed. He cried and wailed trying to get the heart-wrenching feeling off his chest. But it didn't work. Wiping away the last of his tears, Zenitsu stood up and began walking home.

     When Zenitsu arrived at home, he was met by the curious eyes of his gramps, but he ignored him and just went straight to his room. His gramps, noticing the red puffy eyes of the blond, just sighed and began making food to hopefully cheer the blond up a bit.

     Zenitsu was woken up from his sleep by his gramps knocking at his door telling him to come and eat. Zenitsu complied, standing up from his bed as he groggily made his way downstairs to the dining table. Zenitsu dazedly began eating not even paying attention to what he was eating. But the thought that his gramps made it especially for him, lifted his mood a bit.

     It was finally the next day. Zenitsu had barely even sleep. His mind kept drifting back to what he saw earlier that day, tauting him. Zenitsu didn't know how he would face Tanjirou the next day without breaking down, so he decided to just avoid him completely.

     Zenitsu spent all day avoiding the redhead. He would purposely blend in the crowd of people just so his scent could be hidden from the nose of the other. But he couldn't Tanjirou either, just like how Tanjirou couldn't sniff him out. Zenitsu was confused but relieved at the same time. Tanjirou would never miss a day of school. Not even if he was sick. Zenitsu then abandoned all his plans of avoiding the other, and began searching for him.

     He wishes he just hadn't.

     There on the field of the school sat Tanjirou and Kanao. Tanjirou still like yesterday, and Kanao, Kanao was gently smiling, looking fondly over at the redhead. The broken shards of Zenitsu's heart turned to dust. He ran again. Just like a coward. All he could do was run.

     He ran to the rooftops, his tears rapidly leaving his eyes, trailing down his face like a fountain as he ran. Because right now, that was really all he could do. Zenitsu sobbed, observing his surroundings. He was at the rooftop. Where all of this started. Zenitsu slowly walked towards the railings. Tears, still trickling down his face.

     There, Zenitsu stood in the exact same spot where he first heard the lovely melody that came from Tanjirou. There, Zenitsu stood where he first met the redhead. There, where they spent almost all their free time. There, where Zenitsu cried about his fight with his brother, begging Tanjirou for him to stay with him just a little longer. There, in that exact same spot, Zenitsu thought,

That he wanted to jump off.

It was so silly. Wanting to die just from a single heartbreak. It was so stupid. Yet, Zenitsu still wanted to do it. 

Tanjirou...

I'm sorry.

But he didn't jump. He just couldn't do it. Not when he knew Tanjirou would be worried. Not when he knew that Tanjirou would cry. Because of him. And not whwn he knew that his gramps would miss him. He just couldn't.

Zenitsu shed a tear. He made up his mind. He'd stay. Even though it would hurt staying even when he knew Tanjirou loved somebody else, he would stay. For gramps. For him. For Tanjirou. Because he was Tanjirou's friend.  And Zenitsu was fine with just that.

__________________

sorry not sorry

                                 - A/N

1373 words.