𝐦𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐝𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐬 ☾𝐭𝐚𝐞𝐠𝐲𝐮

𝐝𝐨𝐬

"you sure you're okay?" you looked at me with concerned eyes, a cute pout causing your bottom lip to jut out.

i nodded my head, "i'm fine, okay? s'just a cough." i grabbed both your hands, ignoring the way my skin tingled and shaking them lightly to reassure you.

"y-you should go though." i looked down at the floor as i let go of your soft hands, voice shaky.

i didn't want you to leave. i really didn't, but i had to. i had to make you leave, because being with you hurt too much. hearing you cry about how much you love soobin was too painful, because i wanted that.

i wanted you to love me like you love soobin.

"my mum's coming home soon, a-and i'm not meant to have people over-"

"don't worry, i get it." you gave me a sad smile, ruffling my hair lightly like i was some child before walking out the door that i was holding open.

i watched as you left. watched the way you walked, and the way your black converse lightly scraped against the pavement as you did so. i watched as your hand brushed against your ear as you plugged in your airpods, turning a corner swiftly afterwards which sent you out of sight.

i wondered what music you were listening to. i wondered if it was a sad song to fit your sad mood. maybe it was some bubblegum pop kai had recommended to cheer you up. i smiled at the thought before closing my door, realising how creepy i might've looked staring at you leave.

i pressed my back against the, now, closed door and touched my hair where you had ruffled it. my heart was gaping as i smoothed the stray brown tufts down.

the way you had ruffled my hair, it was so friendly. it reminded me that that's all i am to you, a friend. a best friend, even. that's all i'll ever be to you.

i'll probably die as your friend.

i wandered upstairs to my bedroom, throwing myself onto the chair beside my desk to hopefully get some homework done.

all my motivation was lost, however, upon seeing an all too familiar framed photo of you and me on my desk, peeking out through my piles of maths worksheets. hot tears prickled at my eyes when i picked up the photo, peering at the way your eyes shined when you smiled and how pretty your hair was that day.

tears began slipping from my eyes before i could stop them, the yearning that was clawing at my skin causing me to throw the photo across my room. frankly, i didn't care if it smashed. it would be better if it did, anyway. i couldn't look at you anymore. it only reminded me of the way you ruffled my hair, the way you looked at me, the way you talked to me.

it only reminded me of how platonic i was to you.

"taehyun?" my mother's voice echoed throughout the empty house, the sound of her dropping shopping bags onto the kitchen counter following soon after.

i sniffled, trying to wipe my tears and contain the sobs that threatened to escape. i tried letting my mind wander to anything in hopes of not thinking about you. in hopes of easing the pain that you brought.

i made my way downstairs, each step becoming more and more hesitant. after what seemed like eternity, i arrived in the kitchen, avoiding my mother's gaze because i knew my eyes were red and cheeks tear-stained.

before i could even attempt to begin packing away the groceries like i knew she wanted me to, she engulfed me into a hug so tight that i felt my lungs collapse. i melted in the warm embrace nonetheless, feeling like a child when i felt tears begin to arise again.

"it's him again, isn't it?" she sighed, rubbing my back lightly like she always did when i was crying.

i nodded my head, not trusting myself to speak. i hiccuped as more tears left my eyes, breathing suddenly becoming more and more hard.

"you remember what i said, don't you?" she asked softly, and i felt my heart sink.

i nodded again nonetheless, my tears only intensifying because the thought of my mother's past words always seemed to hurt.

"tell me, what did i say?" my mother broke the embrace to force me to look at her.

i shook my head, hiding my face in my hands in embarrassment. no matter how many times i cried in front of my mother, i always still felt pathetic. sobbing in her arms felt childish no matter how relieving it was.

"tae." she urged, and the nostalgic nickname gave me the strength i needed to speak.

"𝐨-𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐢'𝐥𝐥 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐬𝐮𝐫𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐲."

in case you didn't know:

hanahaki disease can be cured through a surgical removal, but surgery results in the person losing their capacity for romantic love. it also could erase the person's feelings for and the memories of the person they loved. in this case, taehyun could forget beomgyu.

by the way, are you listening to the playlist? 🙃🙃🙃