DADDYS GIRL 2 - RYE BEAUMONT

#5

I hate feeling like a burden. I hate feeling guilt and sadness, I'm trying to get my life back on track. I promised rye that I will be myself again, I promised myself. Today is the day I have my first session of therapy. The first day of getting better... getting help. Waking up in eyes arms is what keeps me going, the feeling of having him back. Yes it's been months of us being back together but it's still feels like I can breathe again. All that weight on my chest the suffocation of seeing him with another girl. It was like as I was drowning in jealousy and sorrow he was being washed away to the shore.

Walking down stairs I seen Andy sat with his guitar, he looked so puzzled. I couldn't help but smile at how he was so concentrated on what he was doing. I decided to take a seat on the opposite sofa and just listen to his slow strumming of the strings as he tried to find chords for a new song. Not long after he looked up and realised that I had just been sat there, listening.

A: sorry zara, was there anything you wanted?
Z: nope, just wanted to listen

He just smiled at me before returning to his job of being Dora the explorer of guitar chords. Suddenly a loud rumble of male testosterone began to come clashing down the stairs, all of the lads piled into the kitchen. Breakfast had began, I walked over to rye snaking my arms around his torso, pressing a small kiss onto his back as he made his coco pops.

Z: babe I'm going to go and get a shower, before we set off for filming and well you know...

Rye turned around facing me, he tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ears as a small smile played on his lips. Wrapping his arms round me he pulled me into a strong hug, before whispering into my ear.

R: therapy baby, you can say it no one is ever going to judge you beautiful

He pressed his lips on my head as I smiled. It's moments like this that makes me happy that he had faith in me. That everyone came back for me. I looked at everyone and Couldn't help but laugh when I seen brook accidentally spill cornflakes then proceeded to pick them up and put them in Robbies bowl.

R: oh cheers mate
B: it adds extra flavour

I suddenly burst out laughing, I lived in a house with the stupidest boys but god I loved them to death. I seen rye watch me intently as I assumed he was enjoying seeing me smile for the first time in months. A few minutes later we were all in separate rooms getting ready.

I was stood in the bathroom taking off my clothes and getting ready to take a shower. As I went to take my hair out of the bun I then saw my scars. Them damn scars. It takes me back to everything. The feelings, the vicious words in my head telling me I'm not worth it, the emptiness. I did nothing but let the tears fall as I did the same to the floor. With my hand covering my mouth I tried to muffle the sobs. I tried my hardest, like everyone does. I can't deal with this no more. The guilt. The fucking guilt. I hurt everyone around me, Rye thinks I don't know the reason he has nightmares. But I do. It's me, I scarred him... just like I did with my arms.

A few minutes pass, I stood up. Letting out the breath I never knew I was holding. I'm not doing this, I'm tired of feeling sorry for myself. Today is a new chapter.