Machine of Fire and Blood

TWELVE

When Calaithe had awoken the next morning, it had taken her a while to figure out where she was. She'd slept soundly despite the fact that the darkness still brought thoughts of Kade and the images of his death playing over and over in her mind. It was the first time she'd ever slept in an actual bed on her own. In had been like a cloud. When she'd woken up, she had felt an almost immediate pang of guilt for having enjoyed it so much without Kade. After several minutes of sitting in the silence with a lump in her throat, she'd finally pushed the pain down and gotten herself out of bed.

Now, she stood in the large, ornately decorated ballroom that they had decided was the best space to use as a training room. She stood face to face with Adithreel, while Elden stood facing Carrow.

"Alright. Today, we are going to begin training your minds. Carrow and I both learned many years ago how to block Maia from our minds and now we will teach you," Adithreel announced.

"For a group of people who worships Maia, you guys don't really seem to get along with Maia," Elden commented.

"Being reverential of a beings power and liking the being are two different things. I may not trust Maia, but I understand that she holds great power and the use of her power is vital to the Datsuneian way of life," Carrow explained, his face dark.

"Which," Adithreel cut back in, "is why it is important for us to teach you how to block her out. Maia will use you as she pleases if you let her. Since you are not even Datsuneian, neither of you should have to deal with her trying to trick you into doing her dirty work. Now, the first step in protecting your mind is learning self-control. Right now, both of you are an open book. Every thought you had is painted as clear as day on your faces. I know exactly what you are thinking at all times. You need to learn to mask that, to separate mind and body. Once you can master that, you can begin working on keeping Maia from your mind."

"So, your plan is to teach us how to keep a better gambling face?" Elden asked, sounding disappointed.

Adithreel shot him a dry look. "It is a little more important than that. It might feel silly right now, but please try to take this seriously. You'd be surprised how quickly Maia can ruin your life once she gets into your mind."

Calaithe felt a pang in her chest. She gave Adithreel a sad look.

"Now, see, this is a perfect example of your faces revealing everything," Adithreel sighed. "Calaithe looks like she's just been stabbed. She knows what it is like to lose someone you love and so every time I mention anything about losing my family, that pain immediately shows on her face. Although I appreciate that she feels for me, it is that kind of obvious show of emotion that will make her vulnerable."

Calaithe frowned. "Alright. Show me how to hide it then."

Adithreel stepped closer to her, examining her face intently. Calaithe shifted uncomfortably under the scrutiny. She had noticed that since washing up, she felt far more vulnerable. She was used to there being a thick layer of dirt on her face, almost like she'd spent her entire childhood wearing a mask, but now she was totally and completely exposed. Adithreel slowly raised a hand toward her and placed his fingertips gently on her forehead.

"Here," he said, tapping his fingers, "is the spot that makes it the most obvious. Your forehead immediately scrunches up whenever you're upset. Your eyebrows knit together."

Calaithe swatted Adithreel's hand away. He raised an eyebrow at her, but lowered his hand. He was standing close enough that his breath tickled her face. She studied his forest green eyes, his face, but as per usual, it was unreadable. She supposed that was a good thing, considering he was supposed to be teaching her how to do the same. It took everything in her to hold herself in place. Adithreel's closeness was making her heart beat faster. Partially because up close, he was quite handsome in a rugged sort of way, but mostly because the only man that had ever gotten this close to her was Kade—and she had never really thought of Kade as a man.

"Are you blushing?" Elden exclaimed.

Calaithe shot him a deadly look. "No."

Adithreel stepped away, his face still blank. Apparently he didn't particularly care on way or another whether Calaithe was blushing.

"So, we know that these are the types of reactions we need to learn to control, but the question is: how? That's where things get a little more complicated. There is not necessarily one right way to learn how to school your features. It is more a matter of trial, error, and a lot of practice. Once you learn how to do it, it does not mean that you can never show emotion again, just that you have the ability to hide emotion from your face should the occasion call for it. Plus, learning this kind of discipline, as I said, will help prepare you for training your mind."

Adithreel turned back to Calaithe. "Now, what I want you to do is imagine that you are a statue. Your face is made of stone. A blank expression is carved into that stone, and try as you might, you cannot change it. It is unmoving. Let your face settle into neutrality."

Calaithe tried to picture what he was describing. She imagined the mask of coal dust she'd spent most of her life wearing. She pictured the thick dust coating her face, making it impossible to make out her features. She pictured the dust hardening in the heat of the furnace, turning to stone and freezing her face into a permanent, uninterested gaze.

"Good! You're starting to get there. This is the base that you must try to keep at all times. Once you find your true neutral, you can work from there. Putting on a neutral expression, it is keeping it that is the hard part. How you learn to keep it depends on the person. Some people have teachers who will make them try to isolate and move each individual muscle in the face until they are hyper aware of each and every muscle they have and learn how to control them. Others use a more mental approach, trying to think about something that will help them keep a stony expression, no matter how funny, or shocking, or incredible something is. I think that the second option would be better for our purposes, as our goal is to eventually train the mind. So, what you both need to do is find a thought or memory that helps you keep a blank expression no matter what you face. I'll give you a moment to think about it."

Elden's face scrunched up in concentration. Carrow was trying to hide his smile as he watched Elden. Calaithe took in a shuddering breath. She knew exactly what thought would help her to keep a straight face. The thought that one day, she would have to travel back to Iblis, find Kade's parents, and let them know of their son's death. She'd thought a lot about it, and she knew it was her duty to deliver the news. Adithreel gave her a slow once over. Carrow who had now stopped laughing at him, was trying to help Elden think of something that would help him keep a straight face. They were leaning towards anything to do with his father and the fact that his father was trying to take over the known world.

"You're thinking about your brother, aren't you?" he murmured, too low for Carrow or Elden to hear.

Calaithe nodded slowly.

"Fair enough. I think about my sister. I had a sister. She was younger than me by quite a bit. She looked up to me. I think about her expectant face, looking up at me. I think about the fact that I promised I would be home early on the day she died, but I was not and I lost my opportunity to say goodbye."

Calaithe swallowed. She could see the brokenness within herself reflected so perfectly in Adithreel.

"Good," Adithreel commented. "You did not react. You kept your face blank. Normally, the sadness visibly washes over it. Still not perfect, though. Your mouth twitched, I could still see your reacting as I said it. I know how hard it is to keep your features blank. I know how hard it is not to burst into tears or scream at the top of your lungs because they are gone and they left you behind. But I also know that the pain eases over time. I know that some days will be better while others are worse. I know that you'll find things to fill your time and every once in a while, you'll find reasons to smile again. I also know that it is vital that you learn to block Maia out."

He raised his voice again, now addressing everyone. "So, now what we need to do is practice. Carrow and I will try everything in our power to get a reaction out of you. We will try to make you laugh, try to make you angry, and you will attempt to keep your features controlled."

Calaithe let out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. Adithreel was so strange to her. He was so well put together, so perfectly constrained. At first, she'd thought he was just cold, emotionless, but now she realized that it was a front he put up to protect himself—both literally and figuratively. It intrigued her. She wanted to know more about the strange man from the forest who had lost so much, but still cared enough to save the world.