The Risk

Chapter Four

Barry's hut was slight crowded for my liking but I guess when you were living alone, it was all the space you needed. It had a simple kitchenette that was attached to the bedroom with half a wall separating them, I stood by the bed with uncertainty as Barry walked to start the fire in the middle of his hut. A small hole was at the top of his roof, it was the direction for the smoke to escape and not cloud up the hut and make it difficult to see. I was a little worried about this little arrangement, I wasn't sure if I was safe with Barry near me right now and after what he had put me through, I didn't know if I wanted to stay in the territory just yet. 

However, I had five months to get Barry into protective father mode before his child was here, ready to conquer the world and I was going to support our baby through all its decisions because it was my job and I just hoped Barry saw our baby as his priority as well. I stared at his large, muscular back as he slowly made the fire while I awkwardly stood by the bed, I wasn't sure what to do exactly because I didn't now what Barry was thinking or what vibe he was going off.

"I never..." I quickly cut my eyes to Barry's head as he stared into the slowly growing fire. "I never got to apologize." He said sternly, not turning to look at me.

I stared at the back of his head for a second longer in the hopes that he'd turn to look at me and see what he caused me, but instead, he continued to stare into the fire and I dropped my eyes to the dirt ground below my small, swollen feet. They ached terribly and I wanted to ask Barry if I could lay down but I didn't know if I could trust him just yet, was it safe for me to push that limit and take half of this man's bed since we just... met. I turned to glance around the hut, it was mostly clean with the exception of a few thrown clothes and misplaced items that were meant to be knick-knacks and such. His bed look so comfortable and I was dying to bury myself under the soft fur skins that he was using as covers but I fought the urge as I reached down and felt the fur of the first skin, I gently caressed it as I waited for Barry to continue.

"I wanted to make sure you were okay but I guess you can say that I was embarrassed." Barry shrugged after a long period of silence. "Or... at least my father was."

"I thought you'd at least..." I paused as I tired to think ways of finishing my sentence, but I couldn't find the correct words.

I was hurt because of what he did to me, I never thought the person that I was suppose to love and spend the rest of my life would ever do something like this to me. And that night, as I laid in the dirt by the tree with the wound on my head slowly healing, I was hoping he'd come back and at least help me after what he did, after what he put me through. And he never did. I was a cry baby, I reached up and wiped at the unfallen tears as I squeezed my eyes tightly and willed the rest of the unfallen ones away as my finger caught one or two of my tears that threatened to pour down my cheeks.

"I can't say I'm sorry because... I'm not." I looked up at Barry with shock as he stared at me before dropping his eyes to the ground. "I'm not sorry about what I did to you, I just wish I didn't let my wolf take control, it wanted to be with your wolf forever... I, at least, would of made sure you enjoyed it."

I turned my attention away from him as I allowed realization to hit me once more, he didn't regret raping me, he had only wished that I hadn't saw it as rape. I shook my head in disbelief as I felt more tears well up in my eyes and threaten to roll down my cheeks, I took a heavy breath and calmed myself as I stared at the dirt pile just in front of my bare feet. I moved my foot and gently pressed it back into the dirt as I tried to ignore Barry's presence as he passed me every once in a while to put something away. I wanted to tell him thank you but I wasn't sure which way he would take it, would he think I'm thanking him for raping me?