The Line We Built

(Not) Done With Love

A/N: I'll preface this by saying this is best read as an epilogue for the story. With that in mind, enjoy.

Shayne remembered a time he thought he was done with love.

Years of his life he spent with his now ex. Shayne had spent most of his adult life in a relationship with her. That alone – the longevity – should have spoken volumes about their relationship. But in the end, it didn't. Shayne couldn't tell you what the tipping point was. The downward spiral that inevitably led to the collapse of a relationship cultivated over years and years. There were a lot of things he could point out.

Shayne didn't think he ever made enough time for her. When his time with So Random came to a close, the prospect of more time with her came up, but that was dashed away when Smosh came into his life soon after. Becoming a recurring character on The Goldbergs only served to put another wedge in their relationship. His Psychology degree? Maybe it was the final nail in the coffin. They say absence – or perhaps in his case, time spent apart – makes the heart grow fonder. Shayne could clock whoever said that in the fucking teeth.

Distance, time – it does things to a relationship. Shayne had seen failing relationships all throughout his life. Growing up, in high-school, or in the professional field. There was no shortage of friends, family, and colleagues who went through bad breakups. The lengths of those relationships varied widely. From one month to ten years, it was a whole smorgasbord of failed relationships.

Time apart, Shayne learned, sowed discontent. It bred mistrust. At least, it did in his ex. Shayne was trusting. Some would say too trusting for his own good. As Shayne worked away at his degree, he later came to learn that the term was called Projection. In the final gasping, dying breaths in the last few months of their relationship, the lady grew increasingly jealous. She was worried Shayne was beginning to take interest in other women. She was particularly worried about Courtney (Boy, if she could see them now), but Shayne had shut that shit down and locked away any inklings of feelings the moment he met her. Shayne loved his girlfriend. He loved her up until the moment she took his heart in her hands and tore it in two.

The misplaced jealousy, Shayne eventually understood, had likely come from his ex's own conflicted feelings. She had been projecting her own insecurity and behavior onto Shayne. There was someone she knew – some coworker or what that Shayne didn't have the heart to learn more about. His ex had grown attached to him in the time leading up to the demise of their relationship. That told him enough. But in the end, he still blamed himself. Maybe if he set aside more time. Maybe if he told her more often how much she meant to him. Maybe if he just loved her harder.

There was a time Shayne was convinced he was going to marry the woman. He remembered being in the mall one day with Damien and the rest of the So Random crew. They walked past a jewelry store, and Shayne stopped to take a look. He could see his own dumb, lovestruck face in the store's mirror. He didn't catch Damien's doubtful gaze. Damien was always the sharp one. He knew the ship was sinking before Shayne could fully see it himself. But that day, Shayne remembered looking at the rings. Honest to God, he told himself that day: he would save up for a ring and propose to her. He'd been with her for years and years now; it only made sense that he'd marry her.

And a few months later, it was all over. He was hurting and confused, and he didn't even know where to begin. How the fuck does one pick up the pieces when the person you've loved for most of your adult life leaves you? When you've built so much with a single person – taken them in and ingrained them until they're a part of you – it was impossible to imagine what the future would be like without that person. Yet it happened anyway.

Shayne remembered that day after the breakup. They were filming one ridiculous skit or another at Smosh. In between takes, Shayne would sit down and just zone out. There was too much on his mind. He did his best to be present and deliver a good performance, but anyone watching could see that the spark in his eyes had gone out. Shayne remembered when Olivia went up to him and asked if he was doing okay. Apparently, he was that easy to read. Shayne told her he was sore from leg day. It was a shitty excuse, but Olivia either bought it, or respected that he didn't want to get into it.