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thirty-seven

YEAR AND A HALF LATER

   I stared at the ceiling silently as James slept soundly beside me. Unlike him, I wasn't able to slip into a comfortable sleep and I envied that he could. Today had gone by rather quickly, all we had done was walk around the city and then came home to take care of the animals we'd started keeping a few months ago. I could tell Bucky was happy with the simple life we'd formed a routine to, and I was more than glad to be living it with him, but I wasn't used to it.

   Waking up without having to go train or look over my shoulder for a threat was unfamiliar and even after the year or so of doing the routine, I still wasn't accustomed to it.

I let out a soft sigh and gently pulled myself out of bed. I grabbed one of his hoodies on the way out and slipped it on as I made my way outside. I carefully closed the door, peeking through the small opening to make sure he was still asleep before completely doing so. I never told him I wouldn't be able to fall asleep or that I would sneak out and sit on the hill, simply waiting for the sun to come out in the early hours of morning; I would be back inside before he woke up.

The grass tickled my bare legs as I crossed them, letting myself take a deep breath. Sometimes I would talk to my mother or Loki, maybe even Nat or Steve if I truly missed them.

I closed my eyes and focused, clasping my hands together firmly. I feel my mind begin to morph with another, almost like something is beginning to take up space in my head, and that's when I know the connection was made properly. I open my eyes slowly and turn to my right, smiling a bit as I see a purple aura surrounding my mother as she sat beside me. It eventually faded and she grabbed my hand, clasping it tightly with her own.

"It's been quite some time, Raven." Her brows furrowed deeply as she looked over my face. "You're thinking about it again. I can practically feel the uneasiness coming from you," she remarked.

"How can I not?" I asked. "Everyday I wake up and I think about it. I can't help it . . ." I complained quietly, my voice cracking as my true feelings began to surface. "I'm not built to live like this, mom. I look at Bucky—he's so happy and I can't take that away from him, but I'm not ready yet. I can't just sit around and have this domestic life and I hate myself for it." My eyes began to form tears, but I pushed them away best I could. "And on top of that I feel it. Whatever vision you made me have . . . I feel it getting closer—like a weight hanging over my shoulders that I can't drop."

Her eyes scan over me as if she was trying to find something. "You might have to," she said calmly.

I pinched the bridge of my nose, trying to calm my emotions. It was unusual for me to be like this and it worried me that I was softening up. "What are you talking about?" I gently tugged my hand from hers and rested my arms on my knees. "I just need to tell him. Bucky—he'll understand. He always does."

"Sweetheart, that's not what I meant." She pursed her lips in thought. "Have—have you and him . . ." she trailed off, causing me to scrunch up my face in revulsion.

"We may have gotten closer over the past few months, but I'm still not gonna talk about that with you," I said firmly with a sniffle.

"Raven," she spoke a bit louder, gaining my full attention. "I think you might be pregnant."

   My scrunched expression fell for a second, my face completely blank until a cascade of laughs escaped my lips. I grinned widely, taking what she said as a joke. "That's funny. I'm glad you're learning a bit more about Midgardian humor, but I think it might need a bit more work."

   "Darling, I'm serious." I tilted my head at her, shaking it slightly.

   "No," I chuckled dryly. "That's not possible—we—no, that's not possible." My breath began to catch in my throat as nerves started to take over my body. She can't be right, I thought. What the hell am I gonna do if she is? The chance that I was pregnant was slim; we had always been careful since it wasn't exactly a current life goal to have a kid.

"Use your head, Raven. You're smart, you're capable of knowing your own body," she said, making my mind wander over all the strange occurrences that had happened over the past few weeks. My emotions had been extremely hard to control, I was tired more often; these had been written off simply because I was still trying to get used to my new life. I hadn't been nauseous and I hadn't missed that time of the month yet—yet. That was the word that made me more nervous.

"I'll talk to you later, mom," I dismissed plainly, letting a wave of a lavender aura surround her before she faded away and my head felt clear.

That was all it took to get my on my feet and moving towards the palace before the sun had fully risen. I had to find Shuri.