In Busan : JJK

One

I find it hard to believe that we are going through with this whole trip.

I truly thought that Rem was just messing around when she said she wanted to go. I didn't think she'd find the time.

So now as we are putting all of our things in the top compartment of the train, I feel a little giddy.

Rem decided she wanted to go a few days early, so it's Thursday, and we are already going.

Jae sits in the middle of Rem and I with her headphones plugged into her little iPhone that she has for that reason and to text me during the day.

I worked a lot of overtime shifts to be able to leave early, just like Rem did. I got some extra money for spending on our trip which made all the work worth it.

This was also Jae's first-ever trip, so to say she was excited would be an understatement. Me too, though.

Jae smiles as she looks up at me and my heart melts a little bit.

As a 28-year-old mother, this was pretty much all that would get me extremely excited anymore.

That and good K-Dramas. The ones that can make you cry or feel butterflies in your stomach from feeling the emotion through the screen.

And cleaning. That's about all I have these days.

I finally sit next to the window, given that Rem needs the isle in case she needed to stand up to stretch.

When the train starts moving is when my anxiety levels rise.

I hadn't been to Busan for years. I tried to avoid anything that could remind me of the boys.

Other than a YouTube channel from him that I still watch a lot. It was just montages of the little trips he would be taking or just some of his regular days. 

He would never show his face, and would always include a little message at the end of every video. 

I had it memorized. 

To ARMY, I love you forever.

It made me smile every time the screen went black, and the white letters appeared. I couldn't help it. 

I realized only now that he released another one. I pull my laptop out of my backpack and rest it on my lap. I go to his channel and see that it was posted 5 minutes ago, which is about when my phone got the notification. 

I click on the video and see him by the ocean. I get nervous for a second because I can't tell where he is, but I know at least it isn't Busan. 

I smile as my earbuds play the cute music from the video as different frames flash on the screen. The ocean, a little bird in the sand, him walking around showing his feet, and him going into a little town and eating some food. 

But again, no face. It did make me sad to see that he wasn't as confident in himself as he used to be. I guess I can understand, though. He lost his life. He lost what he had been used to since he was 15. 

I couldn't imagine having everything, and then one day it just goes away and there is nothing left for you there. 

It's heartbreaking to just think about it. 

I must have zoned out because another 10 minutes of the video passes and I see the little message at the end, and I smile. 

I feel like he's talking directly to me with that sentence even though I know he isn't. 

I find it amazing that it can seem like he is speaking to just me when in reality it's still millions of people. It just always feels so sincere. 

After about 20 minutes of it being uploaded, it already accumulated almost a million views.