As I grew older, I came to realize that having many FRIENDS is a waste of time. I realized that some of them were, let just say that they don't see me as their valuable possession but a person that is useful to their convenience.
Boastful may it sound but I'm a little bit "smart". During my elementary and high school days, I was an honor student. Probably that circumstances, gave them courage to befriend me. But the idea that I gained many "friends", so I let them be and gave them the benefit of the doubt. So through that notion, they held high expectations and hopes that whenever they asked something, I'll be ready to rescue. Sorry but I think advance,now. I'm a human too, I become tired and shits happened that's why sometimes I could not entertain any of your queries. But in result, when that happens they let me feel that I don't belong to the group.
Sad right?
But don't get sad my little neutron coz' I'm just bluffing. That was just my imagination, my overthinking capability's taking over. So relax, it's a scam and you let me fooled you.
All jokes aside, seriously my trust to my friends is slowly fading. I don't know if this is just an effect of being 19 lol. But I am now picky in terms of having friends. Maybe I knew you, you learned about the basics about me (well, if my past self is here then she's gullible enough to believe and made you her friend) but ops I'm not who I'm used to be.
"Friends will be with you in your happy moments but no longer in your saddest moments." And guess what? Based on my observations, that statement is somewhat true. True enough that I lost the most important thing when it comes to having relationships. And it's the "TRUST".
Well, the permanent me of being understanding to the situation helped me to continue living. Even though, I could not express my anger? my disappointments that led me to distance myself to them. I think this is only just the effect of quarantine, but no it's not even before this moment I already took action and forgot or should I say cut ties with some.......people.
Maybe you could not follow me, if you're reading this. But trust me my little neutron, there will be a time that those whom you thought that are the "best people" will turned into something not. So if you got to experience it, my precious tip is just talk to them. Confront them, ask what's on your mind. Ask them all of your whys and hows so that if you already received the answers you wanna know. Then, you could no longer care about them. You can move forward without them. The sole important thing is, you have now the peace of mind to live and be able to survive in this cruel damn world.
|C.N | '
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Thoughts to Ponder
RandomI wrote this, "Thoughts to Ponder" for myself. Don't expect something from it. If you think I'm referring to you, then think again. - NEGATIVITY AHEAD -
