The Idol Marriage Life (Taehyung x Lisa)

Chapter 40

I want everything to disappear

I want it to disappear like a mirage

Want it to disappear

I want my damn self to disappear

Like this, the world throws me away

In that moment I'm getting farther away from the sky

I'm falling

(Suga, Jin, Jungkook of BTS, So far away, 2016)

Kim Taehyung didn't think that losing their first baby had a significant impact on them. He was grieved, but he was even more hurt to see his wife's grief.

After Lisa discharged from the hospital, her condition worsened. She became quieter, and he often even found his wife looking at nowhere with an empty stare or even crying without cause.

She refused to meet anyone. She didn't even want to talk to anyone, including her parents. She didn't want anyone to see her grief other than her own husband and was lucky Taehyung could understand that.

For her, the world seemed so dark and suffocating. Lisa was so absorbed in sadness that she didn't know what to do.

She found it very difficult to express it to her husband even though he had repeatedly tried to talk to her and assured that they could get through this together. But somehow this all felt so difficult for her and she didn't know how to share this burden and sadness with him.

"Baby, eomma sent this food for you"

Taehyung wrapped his arm around her stomach while the other held a bowl of Lisa's favorite soup which specially cooked by Tae's mother. She who had been daydreaming on the balcony was rather surprised by the hug followed by butterfly kisses on her shoulder.

"Shall we eat this together? He said in between those kisses.

Unfortunately, for the umpteenth time, she just shook her head and softly said, "I'm not hungry, oppa"

"But you didn't eat anything from last night, Lil. You want something else, huh? I can cook or order it for you" he tightened his arms as a sign of his concern.

Taehyung was very confused about what to do. Since they returned to the apartment, Lisa rarely eats. Even if there's the food she eats, it's only one or two bites at most. She hasn't even touched anything he gave to fill her stomach since last night and that really worries him.

"I'll eat it later, oppa. Now, I just want to be alone" she said softly, didn't flinch one bit in his arms.

Taehyung let out a desperate sighed as he released the hug, "Alright. Let me know if you want or need something, okay?"

"Nde" she said faintly without taking her eyes off the cloudy sky of Seoul city.

Again, Taehyung found a sad and empty stare in her eyes. Her face looked gaunt and paler, equivalent to her body which becoming thinner if only she wasn't wearing his oversized sweater.

Crazy, it drives him crazy, but he doesn't know what to do. Tae didn't want to force her because he understood what she was feeling right now. Lisa has been through many hardships since marrying him; his affair, attempted suicide due to unwanted pregnancy, dating scandal which led to attempted murder by haters, and finally was the loss of their baby when everything seemed to be better and they began to love the child.

All those difficulties made him feel so guilty. As a husband, Taehyung felt he failed. He felt unable to protect her. He felt useless. He felt this marriage would only destroy her instead of making her happy.