Unhelpful Guide To Senior Year | ✓

10

To whoever finds this,
Since you are reading this, I'll take a wild guess that I have finally done it. If you are feeling bad, don't. This isn't spur of the moment or something I will regret later(I won't be doing anything later but let's not get into technicalities)
So I'll jump right to it (pun not intended). I can't do this anymore. As simple as that.
I thought if I pretended long enough, it would stop being a sham but my ideologies were mistaken and I have reached a conclusion. Guilt is feeling responsible for an offence whether committed or imagined.

I don't know where to place mine but I know this, it is eating me up inside.
To anyone whose day was brightened by my fake smile, to anyone who laughed at my jokes, to anyone whose tears were absorbed by my shirt's sleeve...I am glad I could do this all for you, my only regret is I didn't have this for a long time.
I am writing this letter at the start of the year so that I have time to consider burning it but I guess again, if you are here, I didn't burn it.
Remember me,
Daniyal Amer.

The letter drops from my hand and any wisps of air in my lungs seem to disappear.

I thought I had changed him. I thought that when he was laughing with me last night, I thought so when I had dragged him to the dog shelter to volunteer and he was too stubborn to admit that he couldn't keep the smile off of his face. And I thought so when he had confided his secret regrets to me.

I sink down low next to the paper and at the back, there is a scribbled extra addition. He is going and all he left behind is a letter in my room.

P.s. if you are wondering why today, it's because it has been 9 years today. Also, if Laura is reading this...you did make me second guess every moment but I am sorry.

I feel like curling into a ball and bawling my eyes out when a realisation lights up my brain.

I know where he is going to be and when. How could I be so careless?

I rush out, paper clutched to my hand as I ascend the stairs.

Good thing my mom and dad have endless business trips otherwise, I would be screwed.

2:47. The report of Daniyal's death stated it was estimated near 3:00 am. I hope I have some time.

My hands slightly fumble with the keys but I finally manage to start the ignition.

As I rush towards school, I hear a plunk sound and see Hylia sitting next to me, boots plunked upon the dash-board and her face flawless and ageless as always but lined with sombreness today, instead of snarkiness.

"You know," she starts in a silky voice and I just nod as I change the gears.

"It is a weird feeling not to know what's going on. I rule both the past and future but I have meddled with the laws for you. Now, I am blind to this new future," she drawls out and the sheer annoyance is flickering her words.

I can see her haughty attitude is gone and with a genuine tone she says, " Whatever happens, I am proud of you. Never forget that,"

"I'll keep that in min-" before I can even finish the sentence, she has gone with ashes left behind.

Her compliment struck my heart and I smile even while parking the car.

The gates are open and I can take a fair guess as to why this happened.

I hurry in with only the terrace of the main building in my mind.

I can see nothing down here but I know it might mean nothing.

I ran the entirety of the staircase and only determination helped me get here.

This is what you get for not being attentive in P.E. my conscience reminds my gasping self but there was no chance I would do all the exercises over again.

My hand finds the opening into the terrace and my hands involuntarily tremble.

When I open the door, all the climbing and breathlessness seem insignificant because Daniyal is here. He is sitting right in front of me.

The first thing I see is the bottle he is slowly taking a swig from.

Messy hair, bloodshot eyes, tear-streaked cheeks. He looks every inch dishevelled.

I swing my legs and sit next to him, feet dangling above nothing and eyes ahead.

"I couldn't do it," he says, his voice sore. I knew he would talk.

"I feel like a coward but I just ran away from another cowardly act," he says looking into the city in front of us but I know the words are for me.

"Well, where's the lie?" I ask him, dangling my feet.

"You know, I almost did it. But then the way you looked, talked, laughed, lived came to my mind and I couldn't," he coarsely breathes out the confession.

My breath hitches a bit and when I slightly turn my head, I am trapped in his enchanting eyes.

"Would you mind if I do something really stupid?" He mumbles and I say, "Not if that involves jumping off this building,"

He gives me a lopsided smirk and says, "I'll take that as permission,"

I want to retort with 'it was meant to be' but the words die out.

Suddenly, every part of my body loses sensation except my lips as he moves his against mine.

My chaotic thoughts unravel enough for me to wrap a hand on his nape to pull him closer as he wraps an arm around my waist.

There are many ways things might have worked out today.

But, nothing will compare to sitting under the stars, kissing Daniyal and knowing that my life changed along with his.

THE END

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A/n: And that's a wrap. I honestly feel very emotional that this has come to an end but I am also fairly satisfied with everything.

Thanks to anyone who supported my writing and encouraged me, I really appreciate it!♡

Don't delete this from your library just yet as I might release a few bonus chapters later.

And now, this is a goodbye one last time.

Byie!

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