To be honest , loving is always been the hardest and easiest thing in between a person could feel. Like me, I know he is only there for me temporarily ,but i dared to do it, and love him as long as i can ,before everything goes downhill, I hope i co...
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I am not trying to do dramas and things that other girls does, but i couldn't help it.
Being a girl, is really tough because you would build so many insecurities in your self, while your parents doesn't have any idea what the hell was in your mind. You put makeup on, you wash yourself everyday and get yourself dressed, with a descent and fragrant perfume that anyone would surely like, but still, you think of yourself like a piece of trash, a piece of trash that is very stinky inside despite how gorgeous you are from the outside, and you know yourself better that you are not, or you are.
I admit this is what depression has given me, and this is literally not what I wish and pray everyday to have.But i couldn't do anything but to deal with it.
It seems that you would be the most awful person that you have met in your whole life, and everyone is telling you that they love you ,but you couldn't help yourself ,but to think (Do they really mean that? Or is it just a word with no sincerity, was that just their way to make me feel better or are they sorry for me for being sad like this as if i wanted it to be?)
I don't know, you could always tell yourself you are beautiful but you couldn't prove that better than anyone else because people this days are all insecure to theirselves ,let me tell you that honestly, we do hate ourselves for being ourselves ,just because , we know ourselves better than anyone else and we decide things for our own without no one's stupid and fucked up opinion.
Sometimes we rather chose the fucked up trying to think that there should be something just a little bit to change that fate but no, its already fucked up so why do we chose that? Love? Nah, we are definitely humans so you would definitely chose the tempts in life sometimes and you will never notice that because you are already caught up for the flow of life.
This is my story and this is what gotten my thoughts and nerves everyday, i tried to find love once, i thought i found him ,but no ,I decided myself to be a psycho.
