Abscond » h.s.

ii- what is happy?

"Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know."

There are only three types of happiness.

The first type; when you are genuinely happy with your life and think nothing is wrong. (This is rare.)

Secondly; when your actually sad, but you're getting drunk with your best mates, and you feel nothingness. You're sad, because you've realized your life had come down to this moment; a moment where you're so fucking sad and lonely, that you decide to yell all of your problems at an empty bottle of Jack Daniels.

And lastly; when you're laughing so fucking hard, that you just forget. This is my favorite.

And right now, I'm both number two, and number three.

I haven't had a drink in five years. It felt amazing; to drown your problems in a bottle of whiskey. This, this is what I've missed.

I took a moment, still holding onto the bottle for dear life, to look around the room, all the boys had sloppy smiles on their faces. Me including. My eyes half open; from lack of sleep. I look at each boy individually now, all except Zayn.

He wasn't here.

Louis says he's usually not here; and he sneaks out at night a lot. Niall said not to worry about it. So I don't.

But I can't help to miss him.

"Where the fuck is Zayn?" I slur. I haven't seen him in five years, and when I get back from jail this is how he greets me into a new country I've never been to.

Fuck him.

"Probably flirting with the Pastor's daughter, like every Sunday night." Liam takes another swig from the bottle that Zayn and him were supposed to share. I got my own, it was the boy's idea of welcoming me back.

"Pastor's daughter?"

"Yup, Pastor Sam. Daughter is quite hot, if I don't say so myself."

We all laugh at Louis face when he said that.

"I think she's a slut. And she's not the innocent little girl everyone thinks she is." We all stay quiet, listening to Liams sudden outburst, but he isn't finished. "Probably sucking somebody's dick so they'll donate an extra fifty pounds."

We are again quiet for some time. I don't know why, maybe because Liam's slight yelling had made our heads ring, or because we're all just so tired.

"I wanna do something rebellious." Nialls said.

I shake my head, and take another drink. "I literally just got out after five years, and you wanna do something rebellious?" I laugh, because we're all drunk and find everything hilarious.

We're all laughing now.

We're laughing so hard we don't even notice that are hearts are swelling up, and our livers will deteriorate someday.

But, maybe that's why we're drinking.

Because we know our hearts are swelling up, and we know our livers will one day be no longer useful, and also because this is all we've ever known.

It's quiet again, but it's okay, cause we got eachother in the quietness.

Well, it's quiet until we hear the rusting bolts that are holding the door together.

There, with a scruffy face, and ear piercings, is the one and only Zayn Malik.

I try to get up, wobbling in the process but successfully. I hold on to Liam's shoulder, just in case I do fall. The closer I get to Zayn, I can smell him. It's an expensive cologne. I can finally see him. I almost get too close to him. I can't only smell his expensive cologne, but his minty breath too.

I decide to stand right in front of him, in the middle of the room. Looking him dead in the eyes. Everyone else is just staring at us, we're all quiet again.

But this time it's not comfortable.

"You didn't pick me up like you said you would." I whisper to him.

He just stares, and says, "I'm sorry."

I smile and wrap my arms around him.

I squeeze him so hard I feel like I might crack his spine. But he does the same to me, so I know it's okay.

Everyone breathes again.

And all is good again.

hellr guys

I know I rarely update, and I'm sorry about that.

Im failing two of my classes and am having to study for midexams.

it fucking sucks doing homework on Christmas break.

but it's kinda a Christmas present to you, since im a broke ass bitch that didn't even shop for her best friend or family.

please keep in mind in also writing a 5sos series and I like sleeping so I'm always busy

love u guys

hope u have a nice hanakauh and christmas