So Much, So Fast.

Tight Are The Chains

How far would you go? To save yourself? To save the you that you should not be able to see? To save the person who is identical in every way? Would you kill for them? I would.

When I was a girl, I killed people. I never wanted to do any of it but I was forced to. By a conscious that I thought I had control of. *laughs* I guess it had control of me instead. I was prepared to do anything for myself, for the person who I could see and was me also. 

She was my twin, I think. But everyone ignored her, no one spoke to her they cast her aside and favoured me. Some people called me insane when I would talk about a twin following me and being my best friend. 'Twin? I see no twin' they would say before wandering away and looking at me like I belonged in an asylum somewhere. 

This was when I was young, younger than I was when my life changed. This was a time before my life was turned upside by... by my future Slipping Through My Fingers. What could I do to stop it? Nothing. Sometimes I lay awake at night wondering about what would have happened if I had said no to my twin, whatever her name is, and stood up for myself. 

But what point is there in thinking about something that isn't real? Why do I think about something could never have happened. I was driven insane by both myself and someone else, who was myself also. I must sound like I talk in riddles but what choice does a mad woman have? 

'You should have died today' the police said when they found me cowering in the corner of my cell with the bodies of my family around me. I always hated them for it, but now I think they were right. Of course they were right. I drunk cyanide, killed my family and disgraced my own name to serve who? A person who I thought was real. 

I feel like I'm still linked to her now, by some ethereal cord that has wrapped itself around my heart and connected it to her's. If I ever found an axe I would cut the chains, for Tight Are The Chains that keep me linked to myself and my twin. They choke me in the night and strangle me in the day. When I can't breathe I blame myslef alone and not the woman I had blamed everything on for so long. 

People who don't exist shall be blamed for nothing.