Reading My Mind

9.10.99

September 10, 1999. Today in Wes Civ, Dan asked me what I did last night and I told him - - waited for you to call! Oops. So then tonight I finally talked to him – kinda drunk – and let out everything. I'm waiting for him to call me back. Today in Soc. I was really interested – it was cool. So then tonight was the ALL AROUND THE WORLD party. We first went to Maggie's and the[y] poured vodka, apple juice, cinnamon, then whip cream into our mouths. Then I went to Mandy's, where we had to do straight vodka shots with lemons & sugar. Then we went to Greg's and he is coming to Chicago with me!! Then we went to Matt's & I don't remember the rest! Talk to you later.

This entry makes me cringe. "Waited for you to call." Maybe, stupidly, I felt at that moment, making Dan know he was my priority would make me his. Ladies, this will never, ever happen. In turn, you only look like a pathetic, desperate girl. Don't be that girl. Be the confident, hot girl. And while I was so "stuck" on Dan, other things were happening that I was not even aware of. The "waiting for him to call" never happened. He never called. While shots were being poured down my throat at the first official swimming and diving team party of the year, and I opened my mouth to drown all my sorrows because I was waiting for a call, someone else was taking notice of me. And that someone else, a guy named Matt, ended up being a huge part of my life for the next two years. Sometimes things happen when you are least paying attention. And maybe it's okay to not pay attention, but not for too long.

If I fell hard for Dan, I fell even harder for Matt. A swimmer's body with blue eyes. The butterflies were real, every day. Matt was two years older than me and was stunningly perfect in my eyes. He was everything I ever wanted. I saw my entire life with him. He made me feel secure and happy. Everything about him was perfect, except that there was another girl who always lingered around, sometimes too closely.

Matt and I took a liking to each other very quickly. My Terrible Roommate Meg, apparently also had a thing for him and was not pleased to find out that we in fact, were hanging out. And she did everything in her power to try to mess it up for me.