Winter Blair
I was seating on the bleachers, while watching Mike practicing. Suddenly someone seated beside me.
"So you like Mike?" I looked at him and it was Summer, our new classmate. Don't get me wrong we're not really close, we just talked awhile ago.
"So?"
"Is it unrequited love?" He ask.
"Maybe yes. Maybe no."
Pababa na sana ako, para puntahan si Mike kasi tapos na sila mag practice but Summer called my name
"What do you mean by that?" He shouted
"You'll see." Then I wink at him.
I walked towards Mike, I know. I'm stupid If I let go of him, but we can't teach heart. I swear! I tried to love him for 3 years, I did. I tried to be sweet, I tried to be the perfect girlfriend. But I just can't, I wanted to tell him that things aren't working out for us but everytime I'm going to tell him, he will make an excused. As I walk nearer to him, I see him smiling. And when I finally stop, I hug him. I don't know why but there's something that makes me wanna hug him, maybe it's my conscience.
"What's wrong?" He ask suprisingly.
"Nothing." He hugged me back, he even kissed my forehead.
I saw Summer watching us, he smiled at me and see him mouthed "Liar." That hits me. I know I am, I'm aware of that.
After his practiced, hinatid niya na ako sa bahay. Sa amin na siya pinapa-dinner ni Mum, it's been 3 weeks since hindi siya pumupunta sa bahay. We stayed at my room while waiting for the dinner to cook, I was laying in his arm while he was seating at my bed. When he suddenly topic our first meet.
"You know Winter, the first time I saw you. I already liked you." He said while laughing
"You can't resist my beautiful face." I said jokingly.
For almost 3 years, I never felt pain it was always love. It was Mike who always feel pain. I'm selfish, I really am. It's his choice not mine, so I don't have to blame myself.
"So why did you kissed me before?"
"I was dared to kiss the guy I like, and I was attracted to by that time. So I kissed you." I said while smiling at him.
"Winter, Greg is nice. Why don't you like him?" There he goes again.
"You don't understand Mike, you're living into a happy family, while I'm not. Besides, ayoko talaga kay Greg. Hindi ko siya matanggap."
"Ayaw mo nga ba? O ayaw ng isip mo, na tanggapin siya? Learn to take a risk Winter." There's a little voice inside my head saying, you should do that too, Mike.
I don't know what to answer, luckily Mum knocked at the door saying the dinner was ready. So we hurry up downstair, Greg and Neil was there for christ sake I don't wanna eat dinner with them. But I have no choice, I have to eat. So I eat quitely while Greg, Neil, Mum and Mike enjoying each others company. I wanted to finish my food faster so that I can go upstair and stay in my room. You see this is my daily routine in life, not talking to them just in my room. Finally Mike was already done, it's almost 7 pm, he decided to go home.
"Bye, Mike! Take care." I said while he open his door car.
"Bye babe! Goodnight. I love you."
I didn't answer back, obviously it wasn't a question. So it's okay not to answer, and besided I'm tired of hearing him saying "I love you." He've been saying that to for almost 3 years, and the everytime he keeps on saying that nawawala na sakin yung totoo meaning ng I love you niya. Isasara ko na sana yung gate nang magsalita si Neil sa likod ko.
"Can we talk?"
"We're already talking." I irritatedly said.
"The real one."
Pumayag ako, nag lakad kami papunta sa may mini park dito sa village. I seated sa may swing, and ganon din ginawani niya. I was waiting him to say something
"I'm sorry." He's sorry for what? For breaking our family?!
"Fvck your sorry." I'm mad, I'm mad because his sorry meant nothing now and it can't change anything.
"I know your angry at us, but Dad and Mom loved each other." Yes, he calls my Mum as Mom that's not a big deal for me.
But fvck, they loved each other?! That's bullshit.
"Stop it. I don't wanna hear your nonsense stories." I started walking back home.
Why love is like that?! Such a cruel criminal. As I thought I won't hear anything from Neil he said something that makes me hate him more.
"That's the problem, you don't know how to move forward. That's why you're scared of pain." And with that he left me standing there
Move forward?! Damn him! When I arrived at home, I saw the three of them in the living room, without saying a word I walk straightly upstair in my room and there. I seated in my couch near the window, and played a music. It is a happy song but why does it only makes me more sadder? I texted Ryan, he told me Mitch's boyfriend left her. I knew it, from the start that guy is no good. Ryan and Mitch came to my house. Super mugto yung eyes ni Mitch, hays. Sobrang bilis kasi mag mahal kaya ayan, kung masaktan sobra sobra.
"Ayan kasi e, harot. Nagmamadali kaya minadali ring iwanan." Ryan said, binatukan ko nga. Alam na ngang broken hearted sasabihin pa ng ganyan.
"Mitch, look. Listen to me, stop crying. Think about it, was that guy worth if you tears?! No. Because he's just one of those bunch of jerk guys." Medyo tumahan naman siya.
"Hay nako! Wag ka mag pauto kay Winter, alam mo naman bitter yan sa pain. Wag mong itulad sayo yang si Mitch, si Mitch hindi takot makaramdam ng pain, sanay na ata yang gagang yan e. E ikaw? Takot ka diba? Nako. Sabi na e, wala kang mabuting maipapayo kay Mitch. Kung ako sa inyo kumain nalang tayo." Ang harsh talaga ng baklang yon.
"Tama na nga, kahit naman kasi anong sabihin nyo. Mahal ko pa din siya." We stopped when we hear what Mitch said.
Nagkatinginan kami ni Ryan.
"Ayan yung literal na tanga. Niloko na nga ng harap-harapan, Mahal padin. Ano ba naman yan Mitch!!" Naiinis niyang sabi.
Actually ako din e, I won't settle for some love like that. I'm not stupid to love someone who hurt me more than once. For me once is too much and twice is so much more than too much. Kaya pag niloko ako, then let go. Bahala siya, I won't beg for love.
