Courage Under Duress (SYTYCW)

Chapter 11

We had made ourselves comfortable in the living room, sitting knee to knee on the couch while he drank his coffee and I sipped my tea.  The plate of oatmeal chocolate chip cookies sat between us on the coffee table, far from forgotten as Thomas grabbed one and proceeded to eat it.  I smiled at him.

"What?" he asked with a mouthful.

"You're stalling."                

"Fine," he relented.  "What do you want to hear?"

"Everything."  And boy did I hear everything.  From Thomas' point of view of what happened in the barn.

Thomas tucked a piece of hair behind my ear.  "When he called you a-a..." He couldn't even say it.

"Slut?"

He groaned.  "Yeah, when he called you that and made you seem so worthless to him, I lost it.  No man should speak about a woman like that."

"What next?"  I leaned toward him and sipped my tea, interested in hearing about what I had missed.

"I dragged his ass out and dropped him on the dirt beside his car, left the divorce papers on his dash and ran to grab the shotgun in case he tried to come after me when he came to," he explained.  "He was out for a good five minutes and I stood there the whole time to make sure he left before I went back to the barn.  I don't think it's over, not by a long shot."

I took a deep breath.  "He was right you know," I said, fiddling with the hem of my shirt.

"About what?  Nothing he said about you today was worth a hit, Erica," he said.  "You've burned food, who hasn't?  I dust a piece of furniture here and half an hour later it's like I never did anything.  Finger smudges?  I bet he was the one who put them there."

"But-"

"As for the cold fish comment," he paused and his voice sounded different; husky, yet it held no intent.  "There's no way that's true, sweetheart."  My head snapped up and I searched his eyes, his face for any hint of a lie but I found none.  "I've seen how you loved him.  I've seen how you used to kiss him.  There's no way you could be awful at that.  You know I envied what you two had.  Truth is, I was jealous of Dom."  My mouth grew dryer than the Sahara Desert.  "I still am."  He lowered his gaze.

"But why?"

"Because," he began and set his coffee mug down on the coffee table.  "It's clear to me now that he never really wanted you.  If he had, he would have never tried to change you.  He would have found help.  What's different with you this year that wasn't there four years ago?"

Nothing.  Him, I answered his rhetorical question internally.  "I wish I had met you first," I whispered the line again.

"What?" he said breathless and I averted my gaze from him.  I fought the grip when he tried to bring my face back to his but it was futile.  "What did you just say?"

"I heard you that night," I confessed and my heart beat out of my chest.  My stomach churned with nerves.  I didn't know what he was going to say or do next but part of me was desperate to know.  I mustered enough courage to look into his eyes.  They showed me that he remembered the night in question, that he meant every word and that he still did.

Before I knew it, Thomas' face drew nearer.  In a moment of panic, my fingers pressed to his lips and my forehead pressed to his forehead.  "I can't," I said.  "Not yet."  Before I lost my senses and gave in, I backed away a few inches, watched his face with my hands palming his cheeks.  I leaned in to kiss his cheek, lingering with my cheek pressed against his.  "I'm sorry," I whispered.  I needed to get out of there.