Mistakes

Revelations

Gym

Coach would choose this morning to come in right when I'm unstable. "Bryant come with me." I dapped the guys up and walked towards him. This feel likes the Green Mile. Like I'm walking to the end of my football career. "Sit down Bryant. I've never seen anyone run that long and then lift weights like they weighed air. Mouse my biggest lifter and after his run with you which for the last half he only stood across from you and analyzed you. Don't worry he doesn't get all shrinky but he observes everyone. He was tired after a few reps. You tired but look like you can do more. I can tell you had something on your mind during the run," he held his hands up when I started to speak, "I won't ask. But in order for you to be on this team while you are here I want you to talk to someone. And when you comeback after graduation. I know some of the staff here and I can arrange it."

"Coach I don't need a therapist, I'm not crazy."

"Didn't say that you were. Training like that will ruin your knees and I need those knees for the championship next year. You train your feelings instead of dealing with them. What if something happens the night before a big game and you outrun your knee? That sounds mean but your useless to the team injured. I'll call Troy later with the details. Dismissed."

I stood slowly. I don't know which has me more numb....what Coach said or post work out come down or that girl. Fuck I'm not supposed to be thinking about her. SHE is the problem. Yea that's it I'll just fuck her. What Drizzy said, "I just need to know what that thang is like and one time is fine with me." Yep I'm going to fuck her and that will end my curiosity. Maybe if I keep saying that I'll start to believe it.

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Dorm

"Just call me when you guys on the way back. My brother is here, I'm ok. Tell him I'm sorry." Hanging up my phone I turned to my giant of a little brother. His pale grey eyes were troubled and he was chewing on his plump bottom lip. I always compare him to Michael Ealy's face with Calvin Johnson's body only slightly taller. Our mother gave us her eyes and while my Daddy liked to pass for white his offspring couldn't. Maybe Puerto Rican or a light Dominican but never white. "Ok brother man spill." I said while twisting my long hair into a bun and sliding my glasses on.

"You know how I stayed at the hotel last night? Well I wasn't alone for most of it. I think I fell in love and the thing is she won't have me cause of my age. First time I've ever been in a hotel with a woman and sex was the last thing in my thoughts. I finally had a conversation on my level with a beautiful girl and um...."

Innocence half listened as her brother talked, taking notes of what he was saying and not saying. Her thoughts were elsewhere. Particularly with the guy she was obsessed with long before she even met him.

"....older but what is age but the passing of time....."

He needed help but she was attracted a big no no for being a good therapist. I've been working on this hypothetical case study my whole career and now the subject front and center. Would it be wrong to befriend him? That way he could open up to me and I could actually do my study without that Dr./Patient awkwardness.

".....not even listening. Panties smell like monkey doo face ass...."

"What you mean her panties smell like what?"

"I wasn't talking about her Gorilla face. You weren't paying attention to me."

"Sorry Ti. Look Smokey is not what you want. First off she is older than me and already graduated college. Second her history and don't ask I will let her tell you. Thirdly you not ready stay focused in 2 years you will be back and on her radar and can worm your way in."

"Even half listening you great cause I didn't even mention her name."

Laughing, "just know you that's all. You was in love with Queen Latifa and Olivia Pope for the longest. Height of the Queen and brain of Olivia and you got Smoke. You don't like girls your age or even mine but older. And though scared you like challenges. All I'll say is train up for it like the Super Bowl and you might win."

"So what has you distracted, Sissy?"

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