chains | anidala

together

The months dragged on. Time felt slow, as if each day was a year. Padmé couldn't stand it. Everything seemed to move at a dreadful pace.

She couldn't sleep or eat most days. Her mind was busy taunting her, reminding her of her unmercifulness. It mocked her for her inability to forgive. It whispered of the broken vows, of her unwilligness to start over.

She saw Anakin everywhere. When she held Luke, she saw his blue eyes. She trapped herself in the baby's gaze, picturing Anakin's as he pleaded for her. When she listened to Leia giggle, she heard him. She remembered how he'd laugh when he teased her so long ago.

Her bed felt large. The spot next to her firm, considering no one had ever slept on it. She often found her mind wondering to nights where she'd found comfort in his arms. Instead, she shivered in the lurking darkness.

Padmé missed him. There was no denying that the emptiness in her chest was because she wanted him. She craved his presence, his soft touch.

It had been a hard pill to swallow, realizing that her love for Anakin would never disappear. She wanted it to be consumed by her anger. Yet there she was with anger that had faded away. All that was left was the longing for him. Her soul screamed out, begging for him.

She wanted to hold him, sit in the livingroom and watch Luke and Leia with him. She wished he was there for their first crawls... She wanted to hear him exclaim when they began to walk. She wanted him to help blow out the candles on their first birthday cake. She'd give anything to cook and watch Luke tackle his father when he grew older. For Anakin to teach the twins how to read and drop them off at school.

She didn't want to do it alone on Coruscant. She wanted to live in a beautiful house in Naboo on the hills. She wanted to be with her family in the warm summer breeze. Instead, the polluted air was all the breeze she was given on the hectic planet she lived.

Luke and Leia were seven months old. It had been seven months since Anakin and herself truly parted ways. Eight since she'd lost him to the dark side.

But he wasn't apart of the dark side anymore.

Obi-wan had told her. He spent everyday with Anakin, repairing their relationship. Obi-wan explained to her that his eyes were blue, that all he spoke of was his love and regret for her. He said something had changed, a peace within Anakin that he hadn't seen since he was a little boy.

Anakin knew he deserved to rot in that prison cell. That he had destroyed the innocent, brought chaos to the galaxy, and torn his family apart. He had accepted his fate. With a heavy heart, he lived each day.

But was this what she deserved? Did she deserve to live in anguish every day when the love of her life was ten minutes away? Did she deserve to spend her life alone, without the man she'd dedicated her being to?

Did Anakin and her deserve to be apart  after fighting to be together for so long?

Padmé set her glass down. Her hands shook as she drew in a breath. Her nanny was supposed to arrive in the next few moments. She had to settle herself, bring herself back to reality.

Her relationship with Anakin was gone.

The thought struck her like a bullet, it flashed in front of her eyes like lightning. The realization settled on her shoulders. The possibility seemed wrong. Yet it gnawed on her inside, pushing her towards it. She stopped moving.

What if she didn't want it to be gone?

It didn't have to be gone. Anakin didn't have to perish alone. Padmé didn't have to live in misery.