Hesitate | 2Jae

Chapter 6

I look at my phone and a slight smile forms on my face, I'm glad he's okay. "Who are you texting babe?" Jinyoung who's laying next to me on my bed peaks at my phone. "I'm glad Youngjae is okay," I say and the younger nods and moves to lay a bit more comfortable in my arms. "Me too. I just wonder why he didn't tell me the truth," he adds. I bite my lip "Maybe because Bambam and Yugyeom were at the table as well?" I then suggest. "That's possible," I hear the black-haired boy say and the room falls silent.

"It's cute that you're so caring towards Youngjae. You're a good friend to him." He pecks my cheek and I turn my head around and peck Jinyoung's lips. They didn't have that chocolate flavour anymore but still tasted very sweet. "He needs a friend, so I want to be a good friend to him." I smile once again and I notice Jinyoung looking at me with love but I also notice his grip on me loosen a bit. I decide not to comment on it. I put a hand on his jaw and I attack him with kisses and he smiles. "I love you so much Lim Jaebeom," my lover tells me with tearful eyes. "You are so important to me and when I first met you I already liked you. I hope we can share a lot more time together in the future." the younger confesses to me and my heart is filled with so much joy. "I love you too Park Jinyoung. I would love to be able to say Lim Jinyoung someday." I kiss his neck gently and Jinyoung wraps his arms around me as he quietly moans. "Do you want to stay the night?" I tease Jinyoung and he nods shyly.

and what happened the rest of the night would forever stay between the two.

- trigger warning -


- Youngjae Person of view -

My hands effortlessly move over the piano as I play my song. I managed to work more on it and finish more of the lyrics I am not really that satisfied with it though. But tonight my heart feels heavy and the only thing I want is to enjoy sad music with a cup hot chocolate. Music is the only thing that can cheer me up. It's everything I need and everything I want to do in life. It makes me happy, sad it's really weird that music can have such an impact on someone but it's so beautifull. I hope I can be someone who makes music with a lot of emotion. My mind is wandering to all those places I don't want to be. It's not stopping and that hurts it makes a lot of things way more difficult than they should be. I don't want to think about it anymore... So I start playing my song again.

Just eating
Just trying to smile
Is hard to me
This terrible trauma
Trauma

When this song rings in my ears
You keep looking for me and shake me up

I'll be fine without you
I believed those words
But now I hate myself for it, I want to go back

You're not here now but
I won't be able to see you again but to me

Just walking this road
Just breathing
Is hard
The trauma you left, trauma

This terrible trauma, trauma

Tears fall on my cheeks as I hold my cheeks and lean with my elbows on the piano causing it to make a dissonant chord. Why can't this pain stop?

My mind goes blank and once again I find myself doing something I said to never do again. The familiar cold metal finds my skin once again, this time not on my arms though. This time it's the skin on my ankles. This addictive painfull sensation numbs my pain as I frown my eyebrows when it starts to sting. "fuck" I swear and put the knife on a different place and slowely I create another cut, then another and another... until there are about 15 cuts spread over my pale skin. My eyes wander over the red cuts and immediately a feeling of regret comes to me. I just really cut myself... I can't believe I did it again. My breathing speeds up

I let myself fall on my bed and I feel like it's slowely getting more difficult to stay awake, slowely my lids close and I fall into a deep slumber.

I wish I never woke up again...

- Mark's person of view -

"Come on Bam... What do you mean you don't really like Youngjae?" I give him a disapproving look, "don't get me wrong Mark, but Youngjae is like constantly interferring with Jaebeom and Jinyoung's relationship. If I was Jinyoung I wouldn't like Youngjae. But you see, that boy is too blind in love with Jaebeom to see that Youngjae is almost drooling over him. As well as the fact that Jinyoung has always been a very openminded person and nice to everyone." Bambam says crossing his arms with a serious glare. "You know Bambam has a point." Yugyeom says taking team with Bambam. "Of course you take side with Bambam." I glare at Yugyeom and he stays quiet and looks away. "What is it that you side with Youngjae?" Bambam defends Yugyeom. "Because you don't know what is actualy going on!" I'm really starting to lose my temper with these two. "Then tell us what is going on?" Yugyeom says loudly. "Youngjae is Jaebeom's childhood friend!" My heart beats in my throat as I realize I just told them Jaebeom's secret. "Wait what? That boy that Jaebeom spent the night with?" Bambam asks with wide eyes and I nod. Meanwhile Yugyeom stays quiet for a while and it almost like his jaw is on the ground from surprise. "That's so messed up." Yugyeom eventually comments. "So Jaebeom knows. Does Youngjae know as well?" Bambam asks me and I shake my head. "He doesn't. But I hope Jaebeom is going to tell Youngjae soon." the both of them stay quiet.

Then I feel my phone buzz in my pocket.

'Do you know why Jaebeom is not replying to my texts?' It was Jinyoung. 'Didn't he tell you that he's going to the themepark with Youngjae?' I reply. 'He's what?'

Ohdamn, Jaebeom really? He really didn't tell Jinyoung he's going out withanother boy.