The Pirate Awards

Lights, camera... ACTION!

"Helloooooooo everybody!!! And welcome to your favorite annual event of the year, drum roll please, THAT'S RIGHT- IT'S THE PIRATE AWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Shanks roars into the microphone from the stage of the large auditorium, and the strangest mix of pirate riff raff, fainting women, Navy officials, general hoodlums, notorious bounty hunters, and star gazed reporters scream their approval back.

"Thank you, thank you- okay you can sit down now. Oh wait, we actually forgot to rent chairs. So sorry! Feel free to get cozy on the ground there, yeah uh huh, calm down Sengoku just let the little guy sit in your lap! I don't even know why you're here, your pirate award hay day has far past."

"You sent me an invite you red haired demon!" Sengoku shakes his fist for a moment before going back to shoving henchmen off his lap.

Shanks scoffs sarcastically, juts one hip to the side and motions with his other hand- "That doesn't mean you gotta coOme!"

The fainting women of the audience all regain consciousness long enough to scream for like 5 seconds before collapsing again.

"Alright alright, on with the show! Now, the story of the pirate awards is a very moving one. When I was just a wee lad,"

Groans fill the large room and all three of the other emperors shout out "You tell this story every year!! Just move on dude!"

"Damn right I do, and you will LISTEN to it every year because it's MY pirate awards and none of YOU took the time to create something so brilliant! So SHADDUP AND LET ME BE SAPPY!!" Shanks huffs, before clearing his throat and continuing.

"When I was a wee lad, I loved reading the stories of pirates in the paper. Many of them had reputations, or just really weird habits that for some reason reporters felt necessary to include. Like 4 year old me didn't need to know that Captain Blue Gill Billy always sat on the faces of his fallen foes and farted. Captain Blue Gill Billy was a personal role model and it took my poor mother years to convince me that was a bad idea. If I had a mother that is. Juries still out on if I was birthed into the world or was formed by a strike of red hot lightning."

"No one believes that but you Shanks."

"Shut up Benn, I'm working on my reputation here. ANYWAYS!! I soon came to the brilliant conclusion that these reputations should be awarded and tracked. Blue Gill Billy may always hold the "Farts on Foes" award, but reputations like "world's strongest man" and "most evil dude ever" and "best strategist" and "sexiest man alive"-"

Shanks pauses to offer a smug grin,

"-these reputations always had new names attributed to them! And not just reputations, but actions taken. "Bloodiest Battle", "Craziest Davy Beck"- the "Most Brutal Death" award had many new contenders each year! You doubt me, because no one ever actually dies in the One Piece universe besides flipping Ace who deserved THE ENTIRE WORLD AND SO MUCH MORE-"

Shanks pauses to sob for a few seconds, half of the crowd joining him in the moment of mourning, before he wipes tears and continues-

"where was I? Oh right! People who don't have names do actually die brutal deaths and my genius 6 year old self thought one day that 'you know, we should be keeping track of this.'"

The crows lets out a cheer as Shanks spreads his arms and nods at his younger self's genius.

"We should be keeping track!!"

Shanks pulls the microphone away and grins, placing a hand on his hip as the crowd goes wild.

"Are, are we calm? O-okay not yet."

The red haired captain crosses his arms as the crowd finally starts dying down.

"So I took myself down to the local newspaper office and made my case. A poll sent to the villagers, to let the people decide which pirate or popular figure should officially hold a title. I remember that first year, there was a close race between Fatal Ravioli Tony and Butch the Griller for best food based attack. Old Ravioli's suffocating pasta just couldn't match up to Griller's, well, actual grill. Stole it from a semi-truck and used this amazing pepper seasoning. Crazy stuff. ANYWAYS, it didn't take long for the whole newspaper industry to catch onto my genius. Now, a number of years later,"

"33."

"Benn, that was unnecessary."

"You're 39 and not getting any younger captain. Get on with it already." Beckman drawls from off stage, grinning as he waves his own mic at the pouting red-haired emperor. The crowd roars with approval of the first mates words, an especially large cheer coming from clusters of marines. It was part of the Pirate Award contract Shanks established with the world government after what they deemed the fiasco of the first event 7 years ago. Shanks can hold them as long as Benn also has a microphone to make sure the whole shindig doesn't last more than 12 hours. Or generally turn into a week long festival that ended with 57 parental custody cases, 1,000 marine privates establishing pen pal friendships with their equally under appreciated and unnamed random pirate crew members, and at least 52 Vice Admirals switching places with assorted pirate captains for a few months on an extraordinarily large bet for who could last longer in the opposite life styles. 

The marines won.

They are still not sure if this counts as victory or metaphorical acknowledgment that pirate life is the best life. 

"Alright, alright! I'm going. Pirate Awards is now the only time in the world where all parties can be safe. Pirates and marines can drink and reminiscence in peace together, bounty hunters can shake hands with the men they plan to kill tomorrow, and basically no one has any authority except the Red hair Pirates. Which, let's be honest, is how the world should be run anyways." Shanks offers a wink as a surprisingly loud roar of approval rises from the sentiment.

"Well then, ladies and men with no gentleness-"

Sanji audibly screeches in offense somewhere from left stage.

"-I will now 'get on with it'." Shanks takes a deep breath, before whipping a stack of envelopes from his cloak and holding them in front of his face with much ceremony before roaring into the mic- "THE PIRATE AWARD FOR BEST- wow these are in absolute random order. Benn did, did we sort these? like, at all?"

"You forgot to rent chairs for an event that far surpasses Big Mom's tea parties in attendance."

"Right you are. THE PIRATE AWARD FOR BEST HAIRDO GOES TO-"

(((If there was ever a time to comment, it's now Xb Seriously open to all and any ideas for awards or general scenes you want to see. No promises that I'll write everything but I'll try my didlly darn bestest Xb get creative One Piece fans!! And welcome to the Pirate Awards!!)))